Bought Out!
by JJZ-109
Summary: As well all know, Star Wars was recently bought out by Disney. Now, our favorite heroes and villains from the original trilogy are their property. They are forced to move into Disney World, and find that they don't fit in that well. Luke, Leia, Han, Chewie, Vader, Palpatine and the droids now face life in a child's world. Can Disney and Lucasfilm coexist? For laughs. Re-uploaded.
1. A New Home

_**LONG AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story was annoyingly deleted by the FanFiction Admin because the phrase 'Shits and grins' was included in the summary. So I lost the whole story, reviews, faves and all progress. I am re-uploading it now, with a changed Summary. No actual story content will be changed. Sorry for the inconvenience. I am as annoyed as you are. Other than this, all the original ANs will remain the same. Uploads should be daily.**_

**Wazap everyone, this is my first entry into the famous Star Wars category. Which is odd because I have always been such a fan of the franchise and it has made so much more of an impact on my life than the other films I've written fanfics about. To the point where my Dog is named Chewie (No shit) So I'm a fan of this, and its about time I gave it a shot.**

**I thought I'd start us off with a comedy/parody. This is set in a strange universe...to say the least. As we all know Lucasfilm was recently bought out by Disney, to a lot of hardcore fanboys dismay. And that means that the rights to the characters go them as well. Now I will show you what happens when Star Wars and Disney stars coexist together.**

**Cheers: JJZ-109**

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**BOUGHT OUT**

**CHAPTER 1: A NEW HOME**

_**(Star Wars Opening Theme)**_

_Opening Crawl:_

_Sale! In November 2012, the evil cash hungry George Lucas has sold his company, and creator of the legendary Star Wars franchise 'Lucasfilm' to the mega-corporation Disney for a reported 4 billion dollars. Greed is everywhere._

_Meanwhile, shortly after defeating the Galactic Empire, the heroes of the beloved original series, are signed onto Disney and must now travel to their new home in Orlando, along with their reborn villains, courtesy of old George. Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, his sister Leia, Chewbacca, Darth Vader, Darth Sidious and the droids have reluctantly agreed to the whole scheme and travel to Disney World in hope that they will not be turned into children friendly characters..._

Han Solo and Chewbacca guided their famous ship 'The _Millennium Falcon' _through the vast expanse of space. The long, tiring trip past countless star systems and through hyperspace had been a quiet and solemn one. Not only was everyone on board the tough old freighter worried, but they were quite miserable and depressed as well. The joy of their so-called 'victory' over the Empire had lasted only a few days, before they received the news. The Empire's remnants had received the news as well, and the reaction from them was no different. Except for the fact that its two leaders Darths Vader and Sidious had magically been brought back to life. Why? Lucas said so. This whole mess was George Lucas' fault.

The anxious feeling of constantly having an armed Imperial Shuttle behind them had faded, as Captain Solo neared their destination unenthusiastically. It was a rather small rocky planet with one sun, and went by the name of 'Terra' or 'Earth'. The giant sphere of blue and green almost seemed to taunt Han as they neared. It was his new hell. _I'd rather be stuck in the carbonite than on this _rock_. _He didn't even bother alerting the others as he began his entry into the atmosphere. They wouldn't want to hear it.

The pulled out his scrunched up copy of the contract from his pocket to look over it one more time before he disposed of it in some unconventional way, like burning it, or even better destroying it with Luke's saber. He had been sold in the name of money, they all had. Damn Lucasfilm. But then again, Han would probably sell his services for $4 billion dollars US as well.

Apparently the planet was quite a nice one, and had great scenery and culture. But that wouldn't count for anything when they arrive at their new home. Han cringed every time he thought about where on the planet he was going; and what he was probably going to have to do.

Disney. They had been sold to Disney, of all the mega-corporations on the planet. _Damn you Lucas._

The Falcon started to slow as they entered the sapphire skies of Earth, and glided through the clouds gracefully. Han heard a yawn behind him and swiveled around on his chair to see Leia, wearing her casual white dress and her hair in her distinctive 'cinnamon bun' style. She was dressed as requested by Disney. Han on the other hand, defied them and messily threw on a black jacket over his usual white shirt. It would be a cold day in hell before he complied with anything Disney asked of him.

As far as he was concerned, he still worked for himself.

"Morning, _Princess._" Han said with a grin and Leia gave him a friendly tap on the back of the head.

"We here already?" Leia yawned.

"Yeah...almost."

"I got a bad feeling about this." Another male voice added from the back of the cockpit. Luke was awake now too.

"When was the last time you felt good about anything? Since before Lucasfilm was bought out?"

"Yeah, that sounds right." Luke nodded and took a seat.

"Oh come on guys. It can't be that bad." Leia said and Han shrugged.

"Whatever you think sweetheart. Two weeks from now, you're going to be on every little girl's pink lunchbox. Tell me 'it's not that bad' then."

"I doubt that Han. I heard that Disney have great facilities and the benefits are outstanding..."

"Like what benefits?" Han raised an eyebrow.

"Oh you know, good food, staff...money." Leia said, and as expected, Han turned around at the mention of money.

She rolled her eyes and playfully tapped him upside the head again.

"I knew that would get you, you cheap old pirate. And I heard that they have quite a few Princesses as well..." Leia's voice trailed off, and Han let Chewie pilot while he turned around to face her.

"And why would I care about them?" Han smiled and planted a big wet kiss on Leia's cheek. Luke glared at him, like a lion watching its kill.

A voice then crackled out on the speakers.

"_Unidentified aircraft, this is the United States Air Force. You are now entering American airspace, please proceed East and out of the area, over." _

"I'm Captain Solo of the Millennium Falcon and we ain't here to stir trouble pal. Just here for work." Han said into his microphone.

"_If you do not comply with our demands, we are authorized to use deadly force." _This comment made Han scowl, as he was having a bad fews days as it was, and could kill any primitive jet aircraft with ease.

"Try it pal. I dare you." Han snarled.

"Han! You're going to attack them!" Leia cried out in disbelief at her fiancé's stubbornness.

"No, I won't. But they should be worried about these guys." Han said and motioned towards the Falcon's rear camera.

Palpatine and Vader's Imperial Shuttle tailed them, heading towards the same place. If they were to be attacked, then they would react much more aggressively. He zoomed in and saw The Emperor and Vader's grumpy expressions in the pilot's seats.

They all sat there nervously for a few moments, until as expected, a group of fighter planes buzzed into view. They were F/A-22 Raptors, and swooped for the kills. _Fools. _Han thought and banked right, making them Vader and the Emperor's problem. He heard the echoes of their primitive jet engines as they blasted past, and he also heard the combined sound of the Shuttle's canons combined with the Raptor's machine guns.

He looked in the rear cam to see the Shuttle blasting all its canons at an American fighter in front of it; blowing it up.

"Well, not quite the warm reception." Han said with a grin and continued descending.

They flew across the vast American coastline, not bothered by the USAF planes any more. Finally, he navigated his way to Orlando; and started sweeping across the state at a lightening pace, searching for their destination. Luke didn't seem too fussed about Han's stunt, which was a pleasant surprise. Normally when anyone mouthed off about Darth Vader (His father and savior) he got defensive. It was if he expected Han to do that sort of thing, and for Vader to easily defeat the American fighter planes.

Han and Chewie descended lower, and got a view of the Orlando metro area. They saw the long roads, filled with cars and other vehicles, and the comparatively small skyscrapers. _Gee...They're old school around here. _Luke thought and twiddled his thumbs nervously; looking at the floor. Han's voice disturbed him and he looked up and out the window.

"Oh no...please no! I knew that Disney was a kids company, but this I can't deal with." Han whined and put a hand on his forehead.

Luke looked out the cockpit window, and saw the expanse of Walt Disney world. At the gate, stood a huge, childish castle, as if taken right out of a fairytale book. What was with Han and his pride? It wasn't that embarrassing.

"You wouldn't know if it was some pre-Republic gate or an overgrown medieval play set." Leia joked.

Han sighed, and drew his contract. He ripped it up right in front of him and started the ship to the left, away from the park.

"You know what? Screw Disney, screw Lucas and screw this whole franchise. This is a bit more than I've bargained for..." Han complained and continued steering.

A hand suddenly clamped down on his arm. He turned in his seat slowly to see an angry Luke Skywalker glaring at him.

"Han...stop. This is our new home. As much as we all agree this isn't a good idea, it's what's next. That castle was built years ago, way before Disney acquired Lucasfilm and all they made _real _animated movies. Things will be different...you'll see." Luke calmed him down, and gestured for Han to get back on course.

"Luke I don't think..."

"Trust me."

Han exhaled and nodded reluctantly, before getting back on course to Disney World. Chewie moaned his disapproval, but kept on anyway. They circled over the park's parking lot, and Han turned around to face Luke again.

"You just better be ready to be in the Mickey Mouse Club."

Luke just rolled his eyes.

Han circled around the general area of the park, looking for a clearing large enough to set down in, but got frustrated and just glided back over to the parking lot. He found a large enough vacant section and stopped the ship over it, before kicking it into VTOL mode to lower it slowly.

"Han this area is for civilian small vehicle parking only!" Leia protested.

"So? What're they going to do? They need me more than I need them." Han snapped and continued to land.

"Some first impression." Luke thought aloud as the Falcon touched down.

"Alright ladies and gentlemen we're here. Grab your bags and lets get this over with." Han said and got up out of his chair.

Everyone made their way out of the cockpit, and grabbed their luggage/possessions. Han threw an old, dirty duffel bag over his shoulder and headed towards the boarding ramp, before looking around to see his companions. Luke rolled his suitcase with one hand, and carried his briefcase with another. As usual the lightsaber was stored on his belt, and was probably not going to be used for a while. To Han's surprise, Luke slipped on a Fedora hat.

"What's with the hat?"

"Local custom." Luke said casually.

"Yeah, you should've bought something before we left." Leia said and slipped on a pair of Aviator sunglasses. Han chuckled.

"You guys embarrass me more than this place." Han saidas Luke tossed him a hat as well.

Carrying their entire luggage, Han, Chewie, Luke, Leia, C3P0 and R2/D2 all made their way down the ramp and into the hot, humid air of Orlando.

Han stopped in his tracks when he saw who was waiting for them at the bottom of the ramp. Disney CEO Bob Iger was there, dressed in his usual suit, as well as two iconic Disney Characters; Mickey and Minney. Han was so embarrassed he tried to turn back into the Falcon, but Luke stopped him, and motioned towards their new CEO.

"Hiya everyone! Welcome to Disney!" Mickey said proudly and Han cringed at the overly happy tone.

"Yes...welcome to the company. May I ask where the others are at?" Iger asked.

As if one cue, a loud _BANG _broke out as the Imperial Shuttle crash landed into the Disney parking lot, triggering a host of car alarms.

"That sounds like them." Leia said quietly, and another explosion rang out, this one of a crashed US Air Force plane.

Leia glared at Han, who shrugged. Iger, Mickey and Minney flinched. Luke sensed his father's frustration from back there.

"Sorry 'bout that...my fault." Han confessed and Iger sighed angrily.

_Not a good start._

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**How was that to start us off? Stupid? It was supposed to be. **_  
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**By the way, I really don't hate George Lucas, Disney, the decision to sell Lucasfilm or whatever. This is for parody purposes only. Even though we haven't seen much yet, I'd like to see some criticism. Tell me what I'm doing right and wrong. Star Wars is a much more prestigious franchise then The Lion King or Aliens for that matter. And fans get pissed when something goes wrong, so I want to know I'm doing it right.**

_**AN:There you are people. Chapter 1 returned. Please DO leave us a review or fave/sub so I can restore this story's former glory. It was shaping up to be the most successful of my works before the incident. **_

**This has been JJZ-109, and as always...Have a nice day.**


	2. Another Unhappy Landing

_**RE-UPLOAD A/N:**__**The original review responses from the story have been replaced by the reviews of the 'new' story.**__  
_

**Here's chapter 2 of the Disney parody everyone talks so much about doing but never does it. Lucasfilm vs. Disney. Remember not to take anything I say in this seriously, as it is all for laughs. I don't hate George Lucas, I acknowledge him with the creation of Star Wars. I don't hate Disney, they made my childhood and some of my favorite films. Anyway, to further mock this buyout, I may be including some famous Disney songs for shits and grins. _(MODERN A/N: That was the phrase that got this story banned)_ I promise it won't come off as fuckuppery. Anyway, Please enjoy!**

**His Majesty the Emperor: It may be a a few more days before I get new content up, as I am still re-uploading what had been done. Thanks for you patience :)**

**Scarstorm2000: Yeah but is it worth removing a story over? For one word that was featured once towards the end of the summary?**

**HollisterGuyzAreHot: I hope so too.**

**That nerd next Door: It had the reviews. Before the dark times. Before the removal.**

**starwarsfan2296: As in the story is annoying? Or what happened with it?**

**Cheers: JJZ-109**

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**CHAPTER 2. ANOTHER UNHAPPY LANDING**

Bob Iger took a deep breath; trying to keep in his anger. Han just shrugged at him sarcastically, as if he had no clue what he had just caused; three downed planes, one downed Imperial Shuttle and quite a few cars destroyed. Not to mention all the confusion and the chaos created by the wailing of car alarms. Iger then managed to put back on the plastic welcoming smile he came to them with. Mickey on the other hand, had never stopped smiling as if the expression was permanently etched onto his face.

"Aw shucks...That's alright! We're all friends here at Disney!" Mickey said and chuckled.

Han rolled his eyes.

'What good are friends without enemies?" He hissed under his breath and looked at the crashed Imperial Shuttle opposite the Falcon, where his old enemies were.

"Okay then, Mickey will show you guys around. And you can reach me whenever you want if you need something." Iger said and handed Han a business card.

"What's this for? Hologram communications code?"

"Uh...no. That's a phone number. We use phones here. If it was Apple who bought you guys out, then maybe they would give you a iHologram communications code or whatever those tech geeks are up to now." Iger said and started back across the car park.

It was only then he realized it had been crushed by the Emperor's ship.

His lip trembled in anger, and his eye twitched. His Mercedes SL-63, one of the perks of being the head of a mega-corporation like Disney, had been destroyed. He kicked the ground in rage and screamed out.

"FUCK!"

The cry made everyone else back at the Falcon turn around in surprise. Han smirked and tried to hold in the giggles.

"Anger leads to hate! And hate leads to..." Luke tried to call out to calm his new boss.

Han cut him off, while laughing.

"I honestly don't blame the poor bastard, Luke. Let 'em hate!" Han said and burst into chuckles again.

"When are you going to start taking this seriously?" Luke asked Han, annoyed at his attitude.

"When Lucasfilm is independent again." Han commented and finally composed himself. He then turned to Mickey and Minney. "Anyway, aren't you guys meant to take us somewhere?"

Han felt really strange and immature about communicating with five-foot mice. But whatever got this over with he would do.

"Yep! Follow us folks, and we'll show you around your new home!" Mickey said and turned to the immense park gate.

He then linked arms with Minney, and they began _skipping _to the park gate. Han walked as slow as he possibly could, trying to keep distance between him and the couple in front of him. That was downright embarrassing, and he didn't want to look like he was associated with them.

Han then felt Leia link arms with him, and she started skipping beside him. He yanked his arm away and glared at her.

"What...are you doing?"

"They're doing it. Maybe its what's normal around here." Leia shrugged.

"Uh...no sweetheart, I don't think so. I thought we all agreed this place wouldn't change us? And look at all them, they aren't doing that." Han growled and pointed to all the park-goers around them in the immense parking lot.

"Fine. Point taken. Whatever makes you happy."

Han shook his head.

_What happened to the beautiful, kick-ass rebel princess that killed Jabba the Hutt and blew up his barge wearing nothing but a bikini? _Han thought and looked distastefully at their iconic, childish hosts.

Mickey and Minney pranced to the gate of the huge park, and showed their Staff ID to the security guards at the turnstiles. The guards let them through casually, as if they were used to having things like, two anthropomorphic mice, two robots, a Wookie, a Jedi and a princess walk past them. Han was the only one there that could pass for a normal American.

A security officer spoke to Han as he passed.

"You know you kinda look like Indiana Jones..."

"Thanks pal. I'll take that as a compliment." Han answered, a little confused.

They ventured into the huge park and Han gulped as he saw in the interior.

_Meanwhile...At the crashed Shuttle in the parking lot..._

The dented metal ramp to the Shuttle was suddenly kicked open. The Shuttle was upside down, and partially on fire. Bullet holes were all over its sides, courtesy of the engagement with the American F-22s. Two heads slowly rose out of the opening. One was very wrinkled, had bright yellow eyes and wore a black hood, while the other was a shiny black metallic helmet with a triangular grill at the front, where the mouth would be. _Whoosh...ah..._

"Another unhappy landing..." The deep, techno voice of Darth Vader commented, and groaned as he lifted himself out of the wreckage.

He then held out a hand and helped the older Emperor out of the wreckage. The pair dusted themselves off, and Vader looked at his surroundings curiously.

"I sense something... something I never had..." Vader mumbled to himself.

"A childhood?" The Emperor suggested. Had it been anyone else that had said that, Vader would have had them in a Force choke for a while.

"No...yes...whatever." Vader snapped and started walking forward towards the gate.

He patted the lightsaber hilt on his belt for reassurance as they approached the massive themed castle that served as a gate. Acting as if they were the news rulers of the place, they waltzed up to the front gate and were about to force their way through the turnstiles. They were interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat; trying to get their attention.

"Ahem?" Vader turned towards the ticket booth irritably.

"What is your bidding woman?" He angrily asked the girl in the ticket booth, who was no older than sixteen.

"You guys need to pay to get in... kinda like everyone else who comes here. And what's with the costumes?"

"If you do not silence yourself, _you _will pay." The Emperor threatened.

"Excuse me? Adult tickets are forty dollars each, and if you have pre-paid tickets, you have to visit that booth over there..." The woman kept on going.

"Silence! This is _our _kingdom now!" Vader snarled at her and walked right up to her booth, and all of a sudden that glass barrier didn't make the woman feel safe anymore.

"Uh...security...I got two lunatics in black trying to force their way in without paying...UGH!" Before she was finished radioing security, she felt her neck contract, as if invisible fingers were clamping down on it.

Vader held his hand up, making a choke-like gesture. The young woman in the booth gasped for air and clutched her throat.

"I find your lack of faith disturbing..."

"Hey! That's not how we treat our neighbors around here!" A cheerful, high-pitched voice said from behind them.

Vader turned his head to see Mickey and Minney standing with their hands on their hips.

"As you wish." Vader said and released the woman.

She panted for air and rubbed her sore neck. Vader and the Emperor turned to face Mickey and Minney, who stood ahead of the others. _I will not bow down to these overgrown rats! Never! _Palpatine thought, but then he remembered the contract. _Damn you Lucas! _He was going to have to be forced to work with his enemies and Disney characters. Mickey gestured for them join them.

"That's not kind Mr. Vader! Even as a Disney villain you have to be kind and cheerful to those who work around you..." Mickey said to them and shook his head in disapproval.

"Anyway, glad to have you guys on board! We wouldn't have gotten started without you!" Mickey said and marched off into the theme park, with Minney at his side.

As they went, Mickey stopped and took photos with children as well as dealing out hugs and autographs. Luke took note of what he was doing, as if he was trying to figure out how to fit in Disney, Leia thought it was cute, and smiled whenever a little girl complimented her on her hair or what not. Han, Chewie, Vader, Palpatine and the droids didn't like it at all.

Han looked like a normal man, so he didn't get much attention. However, many little children tried to give the friendly looking character of Chewbacca a big bear hug. Chewie just snarled and the kids ran back to their parents in tears. Palpatine's looks were enough to scare everyone away.

A small, chubby child no older than six then waddled over to Darth Vader, not frightened at all. He stopped right in front of Vader and looked him over.

"Be gone child." Vader growled.

"What are you?" The child insisted.

"I am...not your father." Vader ushered him away. "Now go back to your parents."

The child just turned back around kept pestering him.

"Are you a robot?" The kid asked, even though he didn't look that interested. "What's that button do?" The child pressed his thumb down onto the red button on Vader's chest panel.

"AH!" Vader cried as his respirator cut out, and stopped feeding him oxygen. He quickly switched it back on and got his breath back.

_Whoosh...ah..._

"Have you got asthma? My sister's got asthma." The boy said as Vader panted. "Hey, what does that do?" He grabbed Vader's lightsaber off his belt and held it up to his face, before closing one eye and peeking into the mechanism.

His thumb was dangerously close to the ignition. Vader would have just let the child kill himself, but he remembered what Mickey said and snatched the weapon away from him.

"Go to your parents! NOW!" Vader thundered and several people heard; turning to look at them.

The child shrugged and waddled away from Vader, still not intimidated. Vader got a hold of his temper and shook his head angrily. In his mind, kids like that justified his slaughtering of the younglings at the Jedi temple. He was never good with kids. Even his own...to the point where his son and daughter thought he was a monster.

Mickey walked over to them in front of the statue of Walt Disney and announced his plan for the day.

"Alrighty guys, first we're gonna show you to your rooms so you can settle down and unpack, then later on today, we have a surprise for you." Mickey said and then gave his distinctive chuckle.

"Where are we staying?" Luke asked.

"Well...You and Mr. Solo have a Villa that the heroes stay at. Miss Leia, you're staying in top of the castle with the other Princesses and Lords Vader and Palpatine...You're with the villains in the dungeon." Mickey explained.

"Dungeon! I shall not live in a dungeon!" Palpatine snarled.

"Aw that's not the spirit! It's only a name, and you'll make friends there. It'll all be great, you'll see!" Mickey insisted happily.

"For your sake mouse I hope you are correct." Palpatine muttered.

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**How's it going so far? Tell me what I'm doing right/wrong. I really hope to do well with this story.**

**Next chapter: Leia gets introduced to the Disney Princesses** _(- Uh oh) _**Vader/Emperor to the Villains, and everyone has to learn to adapt...**

**This has been JJZ-109, and as always...Have a nice day.**


	3. No Regular Princess

**Oh yeah, two updates in a night people! _(Thank you JJZ...) _This chapter I had all planned out from the very beginning. Ever since Lucasfilm was bought out back in November. This was a confrontation I've been dying to see. I know I said I'd introduce the villains to their new homes this chapter, but that'll have to wait till the next one. Enjoy and don't forget to review!**

**Cheers: JJZ-109**

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**CHAPTER 3. NO REGULAR PRINCESS…**

Leia felt ever so uncomfortable with Vader's steady breathing coming from behind her. It reminded her of walking down the corridors of the _Tantive IV _as his prisoner. He was the one who had tortured her, blown up her home planet and frozen her only love. And he was the man that she had to call a father. And he was walking casually behind her, not bothered. What bothered her even more than all that though, was what about to come.

She was officially a 'Disney Princess' now and was about to be introduced to the others, before being led up to her room in the castle. What if they didn't like her? What if she didn't fit in? What if they were better looking than she was? Leia shook off the thoughts. If Han had heard her say those things he would have either laughed or been angry with her. Another thing bothering her was the intense heat of Orlando. She wiped the sweat from her forehead and tapped Mickey on the shoulder.

"Hey...Do you guys have any drinks around here? Or somewhere to cool off?" She asked Mickey, who chuckled yet again.

"Why, we've got a free cafe and pool where you're staying!" Mickey said, and Leia nodded her approval. _Maybe it is worth it._

"Gee, not bad." Han admitted from in front of her, and turned to wink at her.

They reached the Princesses Castle, and Minney stopped everyone outside.

"Alrighty Miss Leia, follow me!"

"Hey what about the rest of us? Don't we get the pool?" Han called out.

"Sorry, it's for Disney Princesses only." Minney said, and started walking towards the castle.

Han looked at Leia in surprise and she shrugged. Han sighed, and gestured for her to go.

"I'll meet you guys later." She said and gently punched Han on the arm.

Leia hurried to catch up with Minney, and nervously followed her around the side of the castle. Minney noted how she ran with a purpose, instead of like the stereotypical princess. _We'll have to change that..._ They stopped around the corner from the main pool complex, where Leia could hear the giggles of the Princesses. She peeked around the corner, and saw her new 'friends'.

She gulped. They were good looking all right. There were about six or seven princesses, and they sat at the edge of the pool with their feet in the water. They playfully giggled and occasionally splashed each other. At first, Leia thought their style was far too 'girly', but then realized that was something she was going to have to adapt to. Some form of classical music played on the record player opposite the pool.

She looked them over. _Gee, its like they've never eaten..._ Minney waltzed around the corner and over to the Princesses, about to talk to them. They noticed her coming and Leia quickly hid back around her corner. It only then occurred to her how long it had been since she had been in the company of female friends, let alone _princesses. _She just couldn't wait to use that pool.

She started taking off her utility belt, and removed her wrist communicator as well as anything electronic.

Meanwhile, Minney spoke to the Princesses.

"Well hello girls!" She greeted them happily.

"Hi Minney!" They all said in a sickeningly sweet tone. Even Leia thought that was... a bit far.

After all, Leia was a fighter, not a lover. To a certain extent at least.

"Anyway girls, I've got a new princess I want you to meet. She's new around here." Minney announced.

"Ooh, a new princess! Is she pretty?" Cinderella asked.

"Why yes she is." Minney answered.

"Is she from some far away land?" Belle asked in a dreamy tone.

"Sort of. She's from Alderaan!" Minney said, and the princesses exchanged glances.

"Does she have a nice prince?" Snow White continued the questions.

"Uh...you could call him that..." Minney said, thinking about the cocky, rude rogue Han Solo.

"What's her name?" Jasmine asked Minney, joining in.

"Her name is...Princess Leia Organa!" Minney announced, and motioned towards the corner Leia was hiding behind.

As if one cue, Leia emerged from around the corner, and jaws dropped. That was not what everyone was expecting. They were expecting an elegantly dressed woman with flowing hair, in a huge dress, holding a bouquet of flowers and high heels, and someone who walked an acted like a proper lady. What they got what was quite the opposite. Leia wore her usual white tunic, carried a DL-44 handgun, and walked casually...in combat boots. The princesses thought that she was actually pretty herself, but made no comment of it. Before them was someone who was completely different, and didn't fit the 'princess' stereotype.

_**(Bad to the Bone Guitar Riff)**_

This wasn't some damsel in distress that waited for their prince to come save them on a white horse, it was someone who fought their way out by them self and truly got shit done without talking animals or song. Leia's song was the sound of a blaster.

She walked over to them slowly, all feelings of nervousness since passed. Of course she could handle these girls. The princesses all just stared at her, and Leia put a hand on her hip, and held her gun next to her waist.

"Okay...Where is she?" Cinderella murmured, and looked at Minney.

"Well who were you expecting Blondie? Kim Kardashian?" Leia said rudely. The princesses gasped.

"Sorry my good sister. We were expecting a true princess..." Snow White said sweetly, but the insult was clear.

"Do you need a legal document or what? What makes a princess to _you_?" Leia snapped.

All of a sudden, all of the Disney Princesses broke into a song.

" _A princess must be kind..._

_...A princess must be sweet."_

"_She must never fight anyone and refuse to ever eat."_

"_A princess must be fun,_

_She must always use her voice and never carry a gun!" _

Leia waved her arms and cut the song off.

"Please...don't sing. That defeats the purpose of my franchise. I feel like I'm in the American Idol auditions..." Leia groaned and rubbed her head. This wasn't going well.

"Well looking at you makes me think I'm in the Ku Klux Klan! Where did you get your clothes? Good Samaritans?" Cinderella retorted and all the princesses chuckled cruelly.

"And what about your hair? It looks like someone glued two cinnamon buns onto your head!" Aurora joked again, triggering more laughs.

Leia scowled. This was coming from supposedly her own kind.

"And I heard that you made out with your brother!" Belle continued on with the insults.

"Ew you little hoe!" Belle added, her laughter turned into disgust.

"And I wonder what she does with Luke's lightsaber, if you know what I mean." Jasmine continued, triggering more mean laughs.

Leia felt hurt to the core. When she kissed Luke she didn't know that he was related to her. She was starting to lose her temper.

"I'm warning you, I have a powerful big brother and a bad-ass father. So watch your mouths." Leia snapped.

"Oh...right. Your friends. Some of them are pretty cute...I call Skywalker!" Aurora yelled out.

"I get Chewbacca. I like hairy men." Belle said. Leia couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Oh...Solo's mine!" Cinderella snickered, deliberately looking at Leia.

After Cinderella said that, Leia felt something snap inside her. That was too far. Her eye twitched, and she raised her gun. Her hand trembled in rage as she lifted it, and all of a sudden the princesses' cruel smiles vanished.

_PEW, PEW, PEW, PEW!_

Leia fired several shots at their feet, and they screamed and pranced about on the floor, hopping this way and that as bolts of laser smashed into the ground, sending up sparks. It was Leia's turn to be a bully. She fired several shots at their feet, and watched them frantically dance about.

"Yeah that's right! Dance! Dance like how you do in the cartoons! Where's your prince now?" Leia taunted until she finally had enough.

The princesses panted in fear and looked at their angered, but satisfied tormentor. Leia blew the smoke of the barrel of the DL-44 and smiled. She then broke into a song of her own.

"_A princess must be smart..._

_...A princess can't be dumb."_

"_If someone pisses her off she'll blow them to kingdom come!"_

"_This princess doesn't take shit, cause she killed Jabba the Hutt."_

"_She will never be made fun of by some jealous Disney Slut..."_

Leia then winked at them and stripped down to her gold bikini that she had kept since fighting Jabba.

"Nice meeting you ladies." Leia said to the stunned princesses.

She then dived into the pool to cool off, not just from the hot weather, but also from the confrontation. She would never, ever be bullied by some childish Ditz. Unlike her counterparts, she was an intelligent, fighting woman with some spirit. And she was the only one among them where she saved her 'prince' instead of vice versa.

_**(Bad to the Bone)**_

Meanwhile, Darth Vader and The Emperor were being led to their home in the dungeon…

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**Howzat? You could probably tell it was written by a guy... Anyway, villains next chapter! Don't forget to review!**

**This has been JJZ-109, and as always...Have a nice day.**


	4. Scum and Villainy

_**NOTE THAT THIS WAS THE ORINAL AN:**_

**Sorry about the unusually long delay, it was a screwup on my part. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed the double update last time and this one too. This chapter will be a little different to Leia's nasty encounter...Again tell us if you want to see something.**

**Cheers: JJZ-109**

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**CHAPTER 4. SCUM AND VILLAINY**

Vader and the Emperor descended down the huge stairwell leading to the 'dungeon' under the castle, where the Disney villains supposedly stayed. _This had better be good. _Palpatine thought to himself. He was not accustomed to living in rough conditions, such as these. He had been a pompous senator or an Emperor for the majority of his life, and those lives had always been quite luxurious. He doubted Vader would complain though, he had lived as a slave, as a Jedi soldier, and many other tough environments. The only sounds to be heard were their steady footsteps as they made their way down the stairs, and Vader's steady breathing. There was also the crackling of flames from the torches that gave the only light in the dim stone stairwell.

They finally reached the bottom, and the exit was a tall wooden double door, with an iron frame. Vader held both of their suitcases as Palpatine tapped the huge door with his cane.

Nothing.

He then lost his patience, and ignited his crimson bladed saber. He slashed the door lock, and retracted his blade as he kicked it open. The doors swung forward, revealing the so-called 'dungeon'.

All of a sudden, two huge knights in black armor, each taller than seven foot, appeared from either side of the door, carrying huge battle axes. They raised them, about to swing, as Palpatine casually walked forwards. He gently raised a hand as he did so, and as swiftly as they had appeared, the two black knights collapsed to the floor. Palpatine shook his head as Vader and himself casually walked between their bodies.

When they looked up however, they paused. Several creatures stood before them, many not even human. They watched casually as they entered, and they silently exchanged glances as Vader and Palpatine entered. Suddenly, they burst into cheers. Vader and Palpatine looked at each other in confusion. Several of the 'villains' laughed their heads off, and other just rejoiced.

"I cannot tell you how long I have yearned for someone to do that!" A thin man wearing a black and red Arabic tunic exclaimed.

"You boys have made our days!" Another more muscular man wearing a red shirt added, he had a large shotgun slung over his back.

The villains then crowded around the two of them and embraced them and/or slapped them high fives. A loud voice then broke out, and quietened everyone down.

"Okay everyone give them some air." A grey man with flaming blue hair broke the ruckus up. Everyone hushed, and he turned to his new guests.

"So you're the new guys...My name's Hades and I'm in charge of showing you guys to your room." Vader and Palpatine nodded. "Anyway, welcome to the dungeon gentlemen! Forget the name… remember the game. Right this way!" Hades motioned for them to follow him.

"Glad to see you guys passed our first little test. That was pretty amusing." Hades said as he led them through the dark corridors of the dungeon, carrying a torch.

All of a sudden, a deafening roar broke out and everyone but Hades jumped back in fright. A caged room was beside them, and clawing at them through the bars was a brown lion, with a jet black mane and red scar across his right eye. Hades rolled his eyes and glared at him.

"What do you want?"

"Who are these...things?" The lion growled. Palpatine scowled at him.

"This is Darth Vader and Darth Sidious. They're the new boys!" Hades introduced them. "And what's wrong with you Scar? Someone say the 'M' word?"

"Just get some damn lionesses down here. It's been too long..." Scar complained.

"Sorry old pal. How about this to keep you occupied in the meantime?" Hades said and produced a ball of yarn, which made Scar's jaw drop.

"Go get 'em kitty!" Hades said and rolled the yarn in his room, and Scar followed after it frantically, screeching like a cat.

"Now...to your rooms..." Hades said and continued down the corridor.

He finally stopped at another wooden doorway, this one smaller, and opened it for his two guests. Inside was an elegant room, with black curtains and large double beds. On the walls were portraits of concept art for the Disney villains, as well as dark knight armor. It was rather luxurious compared to what they expected and the rest of the place suggested. Vader and Palpatine nodded their approval.

"This is it boys. Give us a shout if you need anything. By the way, you're sharing this room with Randall. He can be a sneaky son-of-a-bitch so watch out." Hades said and left them to their room.

"Oh and by the way...We're having a meeting and the villainesses are having a hot tub party. Hope to see you at either event." Hades said, and with that he left the room and shut the door.

Vader and Palpatine looked over their immense room again. And Palpatine chuckled.

"As much as I hate to admit it...This rodent was right." Palpatine said and threw his suitcase onto the bed.

"Impressive...Most impressive. This my master, is something that we could learn to enjoy." Vader agreed and opened his suitcase.

It contained black capes, black leather jackets, black gloves and black underwear. Palpatine then turned to look at his apprentice, who was starting to unpack.

"Did you notice the villainesses? I don't ever think I've seen such a perfect balance of power, hatred and beauty." Palpatine sat on the bed and thought to himself.

"I refuse to comment." Vader mumbled and Palpatine cackled.

"Still not over Padmè?" Palpatine shook his head. "Had someone thrown a bucket of cold water over your head then the whole original trilogy could have been averted."

Again, it was Vader's respect of his master's power that stopped him from putting him into a painful force choke hold. _Funny that those movies are the respected three. _Palpatine broke the awkward silence again.

"Are you going to attend the meeting later?"

"Maybe. I take it that you will attend the hot tub party?"

"You bet your big black ass I am." Palpatine cackled in laughter again.

Suddenly, Vader held up a hand, and Palpatine paused. He sensed something. He felt someone else's presence, and looked around quietly. He whispered to Palpatine.

"I sense a presence...We are not alone here." Vader spun around, and slowly reached for his lightsaber hilt.

Vader saw as the light above them swung on its chain, as something crawling across the room clearly knocked it. Vader and the Emperor backed into each other, searching for the intruder.

"GOTYA!" Palpatine screamed out all of a sudden, making a stream of blue lightening scream towards the wall right opposite them.

"ARGH!" A voice cried out, and slowly revealed itself.

Suddenly a long, purple reptilian creature appeared in front of them; its disguise thwarted by the Palpatine's attack. He squirmed on the ground in pain, as his body steamed and the burning feeling slowly died down. He muttered under his breath and cursed to himself. Vader then lifted him into the air by his throat, and curled his fingers into a fist.

"What...the hell...are you guys doing?" The creature gasped as he was choked.

"Release him." Palpatine sighed and Vader let him fall to the ground.

"Who are you?" Palpatine interrogated him. The creature scowled at him and sat up.

"Name's Randall. I live here! What's with the lightning? You _trying _to short out the park's power?" Randall groaned and painfully got to his feet.

"What were you trying to do?" Vader snarled at him, having less patience then his master.

"I can ask you the same thing!"

"If you plan to sneak up and attack us, then do not even bother. We can sense..." Palpatine was cut off as Randall sprung over to him and put and arm around his shoulder, and held a finger in front of his mouth to silence him.

"Ssh...You sense that? It's the winds...of change..." Randall said to them both one last time before scurrying away into the next room.

Vader put a hand up and mimed Randall.

"You sense that? It's the winds of...Oh what a creep. You should've zapped him harder." Vader shook his head and collapsed down onto his bed.

Meanwhile, Palpatine wandered into the bathroom and began applying his most expensive cologne.

_Not too long later..._

Darth Vader and several of the Disney villains sat in fold up chairs arranged in a circle. This meeting had turned out to be a group therapy session, intended to get the villains to express their angers and share their experiences with their peers while they sipped on a few beers. Vader had reluctantly agreed to the idea. However the villains seemed like decent enough men. Scar the lion was just finishing up.

"And so I threw him off a cliff...and into a stampede of wildebeests. And then I sent his son out to die. Only then did I finally feel like I had achieved what I set out for. I was now first in line to the throne again...the whole kingdom was mine..." Scar was interrupted.

"And then you let it slide into the shit?" A tiger by the name of Shere Khan commented.

Scar scowled and looked at all his peers in frustration. He pointed a claw at Shere Khan and spoke to them all angrily.

"If he's going to make some smart-ass wisecrack every five minutes, I honestly don't think I can..." Scar complained but Jafar spoke over him.

"Khan...enough of the crap. And Scar, get a grip on yourself, we don't want any more cat fights." Jafar scolded them both.

"Anyway, who's next?" Jafar looked at who sat next to Scar. "Gaston? Anything you want share?" Gaston shook his head and took another sip of his French wine.

"No, I'll pass. You all know my story." He said and everyone nodded.

Next in the circle was Captain Hook. Jafar looked at him and Hook cleared his throat, before starting.

"Well, you all know my name. I was a Captain working on a buccaneer ship off the coast of a magical island. I...had a nemesis...with a twelve year old boy. He was my eternal enemy." The villains nodded and Jafar spoke out, encouraging him to continue.

"Who was this boy? What was his quarrel with you?"

"His name was Peter Pan. He dressed like a Robin-hood themed garden gnome, and was dedicated to destroying my business on the island. The runt cut off my hand..." Hook said and showed the others his hook where his hand used to be.

Vader suddenly felt something in common with the man, and spoke up for the first time since he joined the circle. Several heads turned to him.

"I too...have had a hand cut off. As well as my arms and legs." Vader said and everyone nodded their approval of his decision to talk.

"But...you seem to have all your limbs, and the movements are so fluid! Surely they're not just prosthetic..."

"No. They are robotic. I can hook you up with some of my technicians back at the Empire if you like. They can get you a good deal on on a new hand." Vader offered and Hook nodded excitedly.

"But once you get it...I'd practice with a sausage first if I were you, unless you want to rip your dick off." Vader advised him, triggering laughter from all the other villains.

"What about you Vader? Would you like to share?" Jafar asked.

"Uh...I think I'll just..."

"Oh come on. Just let it out! We're all friends here."

Vader sighed, and started his story.

"My name is Darth Vader. I'm new here. I was born Anakin Skywalker, but changed my name for intimidation purposes. I was seduced by the Dark side, I slaughtered a temple full of children, and ran an Empire with my master. I had a wife who was killed in my anger, and I got me a son and daughter; both dedicated to destroying me and my Empire." Vader said and the villains listened eagerly.

"And what are your children's names? What have they done to you?"

"Their names are Luke and Leia. They are here with me. Luke was the one responsible for destroying my battle station, and Leia led the Rebellion against me. Not to mention she dressed like a stripper for Jabba the Hutt; who is a vile gangster, also a threat to my Empire."

"And how did that make you feel?"

"Angry...Unloved I guess. Luke declined all my offers of power to him purely because of who I was. I just wish we could be a family now...And forget all the violent past." Vader admitted, and suddenly all the villains started clapping.

"Well done my Lord, you let it out. Feel any better?" Jafar said and Vader nodded reluctantly.

"I suppose so."

They finished their drinks and conversed casually as a group.

_Meanwhile..._

Emperor Palpatine sat in the hot tub, with each of his arms around the evil Queen Grimhilde and Maleficent who sat up close on either side of him. Also in the spa were Yzma, Ursela and Cruella de Vil. He sipped a glass of champagne as he spoke with them.

"So ladies...Who would be interested in joining me in the Dark Side?" Palpatine offered and the villainesses giggled their approval.

"I should show you all to the top deck of my Death Star, where it's just you all, me, the stars...and major films protagonists getting blown to oblivion by my laser cannon." The women cooed and he cackled his usual, evil laugh.

"Ooh..." They all said in unison and crowded around him in the hot tub.

"Cruella you really mustn't smoke those, or you might end up like my apprentice." Palpatine joked and triggered more giggles from the villainesses.

"Oh no my Emperor, you really must try them. They are far better than any lucky strike or Cuban Monte-Christo." Cruella replied and drew a fresh smoke, and held it out for Palpatine to light.

He ignited his lightsaber, and just skimmed the tip of the smoke; lighting it. The villainesses cooed again, and he broke into more maniacal evil laughter as he enjoyed himself.

_Once more the Sith will be pulling the women..._

_Meanwhile..._

Mickey led Luke, Han, Chewie and the droids to the Heroes Villa.

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**How was it? Is it actually funny? That's kind of the purpose here. Anyway, heroes get introduced next and I hope you enjoyed. Don't forget to review! **

**This has been JJZ-109, and as always...Have a nice day.**


	5. Today We are the Heroes

**Sorry about the extended delay, (Note how I apologize before the start of every chapter). I am starting school again now so updates my become less frequent. This is the final 'introduction' chapter, before the plot really commences. Most of it is just for laughs. Anyway, I might some themes Disney musical numbers later on, sung by SW characters. Glad you enjoyed and that the feedback has been good :)**

**Haradion: I will, but feedback has dropped off considerably since the original was deleted...**

**His Majesty the Emperor: Yes, they enjoy it for the moment, but of course, things will change...**

**Cheers: JJZ-109**

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**CHAPTER 5. TODAY WE ARE THE HEROES**

Han made sure he and the others walked a good five paces behind their cheerful host, in sheer embarrassment. They exited the main park complex, and were headed towards the villas where the staff (And apparently characters) worked. Han, usually difficult to impress, actually thought the estates weren't that bad. The white villas where immaculately clean, and all the gardens were neat and well kept. What he like most was that there was (For once) a bit of peace and quiet around here, and it actually seemed normal unlike all the other childish facilities. Luke turned to him and raised an eyebrow, making an 'I told you so' face.

"Told you it wasn't that bad." Luke mumbled.

"Whatever kid, you win this time. Actually looks like they tipped a bit of cash into this place." Han admitted, and Chewie barked his approval.

Han rolled his suitcase behind him and felt quite relieved as he walked, that this wasn't going to as bad as he first thought. He was tired, and could now sleep well with the thought that this was quite a nice area to be staying at. But what about Leia and the others? He wasn't too fussed if Vader and the Emperor suffered in the dungeon, but what if Leia was having a rough time? Doubtful, as the Princesses probably got the best treatment. So he was overall pleased. But the relief was to be short lived.

They arrived at an electric gate, and when Han saw what was on the other side, his heart sank. There were Disney protagonists of every size, shape and color. And most, with a few exceptions, were noticeably children's heroes. Many of them weren't even human; animals, robots and even toys were among them.

Luke practically flinched, and turned to Han whose impressed expression had faded. Disappointment was etched onto his face, and he turned to Luke and frowned slightly. Meanwhile, everyone else looked the courtyard over, and all its inhabitants. Chewie whined a little, before Luke nudged him to be quiet. C-3PO scanned all the 'heroes' and spoke out.

"Oh my goodness...I don't suppose Lucas mentioned that we would have this much company?" He turned to R2, to find that he wasn't there.

The stubborn little droid had been the first to wander off.

"R2, where are you?"

He caught sight of R2 rolling across the main lawn, bumping into several unsuspecting Disney characters as he went. 3PO waddled after him, trying his best to avoid contact with any of the courtyard's inhabitants. He politely but nervously excused himself as he made his way towards his long time companion, who had now stopped and rotated his dome head to look at something across the yard.

He let out the 'pretty girl' whistle and C-3PO's head was instantly drawn to where he was looking. R2 was staring at a sleek, white female robot with bright blue eyes. It hovered across the ground gracefully, and R2 was about to pursue her but 3PO stopped him.

"And just where did you think you were going?"

R2 let out a series of beeps and whistles in response.

"Yes I do see her. That is EVE from WALL-E, and nothing to do with you. Now let's get back to Master Luke before he gets cross."

R2 looked at the robot again, and then rotated back to 3PO. He let out a low whistle followed by a chirp. C-3PO reared his head in disgust.

"You most certainly cannot plug her USB port, you twisted little bucket of bolts. Now come along!" C-3PO gave him a kick, making a soft _CLANG _sound and they rejoined the others as they progressed towards their villa.

R2 took one last look at EVE, and saw that WALL-E had joined her. He saw R2 staring and raised his middle metal finger. R2 let out a chuckling series of beeps.

Han had taken Luke's new hat and wore it low over his eyes, so that nobody would see him here. His face was bright red. Luke rolled his eyes, and turned to see that the droids had caught up. Chewie moaned and Mickey chuckled in response, not knowing what the Wookie had really said. Mickey stopped them in the Villa lobby and addressed them all.

"Well this is it folks. Welcome home! Room A113 is yours, and I hope you enjoy your stay here at Disney!" Mickey said and chuckled again, before tossing Luke the keys.

Luke looked at the others and shrugged, Han scowled in response, and picked up his suitcase. _What are the odds that I spend the night in the Falcon. _Han thought. He would much rather sleep in the cold ship than have to live with these 'ninnies'. Luke seemed to have a bit more of an open mind, and started towards an elevator, where a man wearing a purple vest and long white baggy pants stood. Luke ignored him and pressed the button on the elevator door.

The doors opened, and suddenly the man stretched his arm across the opening to block them from entering.

"Hey...What the hell are you doing pal?" Han shoved the man's arm away rudely and stepped towards the elevator.

The man grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and yanked back away. Han growled in anger and Luke saw just in time as the already angry Han Solo reached for the gun in his holster with clenched teeth. He had clearly had enough crap for one day. Luke restrained his hand and pulled him close.

"Han...Relax." Han frowned and glared at the man standing at the elevator door, who looked as casual as ever.

Luke turned to face him.

"Why are you blocking the door?" He asked calmly.

"Because you're not allowed up there. Disney heroes only. Villains belong in the dungeon." Luke raised an eyebrow.

"We are 'heroes' as you call them sir. We have been the major protagonists in each films of the original trilogy."

"You can't be. You're dressed completely in black, and you walk around with a giant beast. And your friend over there carries a gun. And by the way my name's Aladdin. Real Disney warriors are colored differently and fight with a sword...and don't shoot."

"Don't tempt me." Han growled from behind Luke.

Luke opened his mouth to reason with Aladdin, but stopped. This was going nowhere, and his lack of intelligence was starting to frustrate them all. _Fuck it. _Luke thought and slowly raised a hand.

"We _are _Disney heroes." Luke said and slowly waved his hand in front of the man.

"You are Disney heroes." Aladdin mumbled, not blinking.

"And you _will _let us through."

"And I will let you through." Aladdin repeated, completely unaware of the age-old trick Luke was using.

"And you will not look like Nick Jonas and stop wearing M.C. Hammer pants."

"And I will not look like Nick Jonas or wear M.C. Hammer pants." Aladdin confirmed, before moving out of the way of the elevator.

All five of them stepped in, and the door slid shut in front of them. Luke exhaled loudly and Han removed the Fedora hat.

"You should've used the lightsaber." Han commented and Luke shook his head.

"God damn it I hate this place..." Han added, and for once C-3PO remained silent.

"It was the will of the force that we ended up here." Luke told him as the door opened with a _dong. _

"You mean the will of George Lucas."

They all walked down the hallway with their suitcases casually, just as a short, fat green creature with one eye appeared from the men's room doors. His _eye _opened wide when he saw Chewie and in response the Wookie roared at him, scaring him back into the bathrooms. But the creature mistakenly hurried into the ladies' room, triggering a host of screams.

Luke stopped at room A113 and turned to Han, who still seemed to be sulking.

"Cheer up you old pirate. This is home now. It'll get better, you'll see." Han didn't even look at Luke and just grumbled. "I bet once we get to know everyone, it'll all be okay."

"I'm going to have a proper good sleep first. Then if I wake up and find that this wasn't all a nightmare you can talk to me about getting on with the others." Han told him as they entered the hotel room, which was decent enough.

The beds were large and neat, and the overall setup was quite nice. Everything had been made up and prepared for them. Han walked over and collapsed onto the first bed, before sighing loudly. Luke parked their suitcases in the center of the room and sat next to Han on the bed.

"Is it a coincidence that the letter/number combination A113 plays a major part in every Disney/Pixar film? And now it's our room number?" Luke tried to start a conversation with his long time friend.

Han ignored him yet again, and sat up.

"I think I'll have a shower. Then I'm going to bed. It's been a long, tiring and disappointing day for me." He stood up and walked over to the bathroom.

Chewie gave a low series of barks, and made for the door.

"Fine...go check on the Falcon. Now I'm stuck with the droids." Luke sighed, but noticed they too had made for the door.

"And where are you two going?"

"I'm terribly sorry master Luke. R2 saw this droid named EVE and has become quite fond of her, now he insists on talking to her." 3PO told him and Luke gestured for them to go. He could use some alone time.

"Odds are you'll contract a software virus R2..." 3PO and R2 argued in a series of beeps and comments as they left the room and shut the door behind them.

Luke was now left alone in the room, and sat on the bed silently. He closed his eyes, and began to meditate. He reflected on the events of the past few days, and tried to foresee the immediate future. He also built a connection with the force, and reached out mentally. Cold, peaceful breeze blew through the window as he made contact with the force...

"_Son..." _A deep voice said, and Luke opened his eyes. He sensed his father's presence.

"Father?"

"_...You have forgotten me." _The deep voice of Darth Vader continued.

"No, how could I?"

" _You have forgotten who you are, and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself my son. You are more...than what you have become. You must take your place in the circle of life."_

By circle of life, Luke assumed he was talking about the force. He stood up and walked around the room, listening to what the voice had to say. He then cried out against his father.

"I can never join you, it's not who I'm supposed to be."

"_Remember who you are. You are my son, and the one true King."_

Luke raised an eyebrow at the last part. What did he mean by King? Had the man lost his mind? Maybe those electronics were starting to get to his head. Luke thought, that was definitely the voice of his father, Darth Vader. So what did he mean?

He walked around the room, and noticed that the voices got louder as he neared the window. _Weird. _Luke thought and looked out to see a large grassy field, and storm clouds swirling in an unnatural formation in the sky. Lightning was visible in them.

"_Remember..."_

The voice thundered to him again, or was it even to him? Luke leapt out the window using the force and landed gracefully on the ground. He broke into a sprint, and made his way onto the grassy field. He looked up at the sky, and yelled out.

"Wait father! Don't leave me!"

He then saw a face fading in the sky, and strangely he didn't recognize it. He saw neither the mask of Darth Vader nor the face of Anakin Skywalker. It almost looked like a _cat _before it faded completely. Luke sighed, and looked up at the sky.

"Wait father! Don't leave me!" Another voice yelled out, saying the exact same thing Luke had.

Luke hurried over the grassy hill to see a creature standing there under the sky, with tear marks streaming down his face. He was a lion, and had a golden pelt with a bright red mane. Luke assumed it could talk, as most animals here at Disney could, and jogged over to him.

"What was that?" He asked the lion, and it didn't look at him, but just sniffled.

"Did you see a man around here, or perhaps up in the sky? About 6'6 and completely black, with a mask? Or perhaps an annoying looking blonde guy with long hair and a scar?" Luke interrogated the clearly emotionally shaken lion.

"No...I saw my father..." The lion sobbed.

"Wait what?" Suddenly, it dawned on Luke. He then felt extremely stupid.

_Of course Disney has a character voiced by James Earl Jones. _He had never made contact with Vader through the force; he had been listening in to this guy's conversation with _his _father. Luke sighed in frustration and nodded.

"Oh...Sorry about that. Mistook him for someone else. By the way, the name's Luke. Luke Skywalker." Luke offered a hand and the lion shook it with his paw.

"Simba."

"Nice meeting you Simba. Sorry about that..." Luke grumbled to himself as he walked away.

He had just made a fool of himself. _Stupid similar sounding voice actors..._He leapt back up into his hotel room window and restarted his meditated, a little embarrassed at himself.

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**How was that? Catch all the references in there? Hope so, it makes it funnier. Anyway, next chapter is the big get together. Hope you enjoyed and Don't forget to review!**

**This has been JJZ-109, and as always...Have a nice day.**


	6. Confrontations

**_This is the original, unaltered AN. Sorry for any confusion._**

**Sorry about the long wait, and by the way I am NOT dead. That was a practical joke played on me by a friend. I now have control of my account and it won't happen again. I assure you it wasn't attention seeking. Anyway, I wrote this all on my phone so I can't be bothered writing review responses. Anyway, I hope you enjoy :)**

**DrKill8000: Yes, I had to be very careful when writing this. (Not careful enough, fuckin' admin) And I know what pisses SW fans off, so I avoided that. Unfortunately I doubt I will make up the reviews, it was shaping up to be my most successful piece ever, averaging 8 per chapter. Now thats down to 3. Anyway, Disney already do Star Wars parades/weekends. I went to one in 2010. Saw Darth Vader dancing to Michael Jackson 0_0**

**EsmeAmelia: Unfortunately it can. And that was the cherry on top of my week of bad luck, that I won't talk about. And yes, the heroes will make friends sooner or later...Anyway, new content coming soon :)**

**Cheers: JJZ-109**

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**CHAPTER 6. CONFRONTATIONS**

Luke force-leapt back into his hotel room, and exhaled loudly. That had been embarrassing. He looked back out the window, and saw that his new acquaintance, 'Simba' was still sitting there. Luke tried to meditate on his bed again, but the hissing from Han's shower prevented him from concentrating. He heard Han whistling the _Raiders of the Lost Ark _theme in the bathroom, and rolled his eyes.

Frustrated, Luke stood up and walked over to the window again, and sure enough, the lion still sat there. _I wonder if I should go talk to him? He looks like he could use a friend..._Luke shook off the thought. If someone had suggested the idea of befriending an animated anthropomorphic lion a few weeks ago, he would have said they were crazy.

He heard the shower turn off, and finally, he had a chance to focus and reflect. He sat cross-legged on the bed once again, and closed his eyes. His peace wasn't to last for more than six seconds. He heard his holo-communicator buzz in his pocket, and his face turned into an irritated frown. _What now? _That was the one thing the primitive iPhones had over their advanced communicators.

The holograms didn't have voicemail.

He produced the communicator from his belt and switched it on, to reveal a frustrated looking Leia. She was lying across a large fancy bed, presumably pink from the glow of the hologram, and wore a white t-shirt and panties. She had let her hair down for a change, and looked exhausted.

"What's up sis?"

"_Don't talk like that Luke. You sound like a damned hipster." _Leia snapped back at him. Luke really didn't appreciate being interrupted only to be pissed off again.

"Okay, fine. What's wrong with you? Aside from the obvious." Luke asked, and Leia sat up straight on the hologram.

"Unfortunately, 'the obvious' is exactly what's wrong with me. I can't last like this. And it has only been half a day." Leia complained. Luke's eyes narrowed at her.

"You were the one being optimistic about this! Now what's happened?" Luke pointed out, trying to keep a hold of his emotions.

"I'll tell you later. Meet me at the Falcon in five minutes. Bring Han with you. We all need to talk." Leia told him, and her image slowly faded.

Luke sighed again loudly, and tossed the communicator onto the bed. She had called him to complain. Complaints were all he had heard all day. He put his head in his hands as the bathroom door swung open, and Han appeared, with wet hair and a towel around his waste.

"What was that about? Talking to yourself again?" Han asked, and slipped into a pair of field pants as Luke had his back turned.

"No, Leia called. She wants to talk to all of us at the Falcon in five. Not happy about something..." Luke said and turned around. Han stood in his usual brown trousers, with the blaster holster attached onto the side.

"Well Hallelujah." Han commented, as Luke stood up and started forcing him over to the door.

"Hey what are you doing?"

"We leave now. Because we still have that welcome party to go to afterwards." Luke said and Han wriggled free.

"Hey wait a sec, what about Chewie and the droids?" Han asked, not really ready to walk around. He wanted to go to sleep.

"She didn't mention them, now let's go." Luke ushered the topless Han out the door.

"Hold on kid, who cares if we're late for their little party-" Han just managed to grab his black vest out of his suitcase as Luke herded him towards the door.

"Just get going."

Han grabbed the Fedora hat off their coat-stand and slapped it onto his head as he was pushed out the door. He wore no shirt, just his trousers, vest and the brown Fedora hat that he had seemingly claimed from Luke.

"I can't walk around like this, I look like enough of an idiot being here as it is." Han argued as Luke shut the door behind them.

"You look like an idiot anywhere else." Luke jabbed at him.

"So much like an idiot...yet your sister digs me." Han retorted, and Luke shot him a murderous look.

They proceeded down the corridor and into the elevator, taking them down to the lobby. Han tapped his foot anxiously, and prepared himself for the childish sight that awaited him. They marched their way through the lobby, Han keeping his hat low over his eyes and Luke behaved casually, despite all the stares he got for wearing a 'villains' color'.

A pair of dwarfs saw them and exchanged glances. Han overheard their murmuring.

"When Mickey said we bought out Lucasfilm, he didn't mean _all _of Lucasfilm right? Not just the Sci-fi show?"

"Looks like it." The other bearded dwarf replied, looking Han over; who had no idea about what they were talking about, nor who he looked so much alike, especially dressed like that.

Luke walked over to the reception desk and leant against it casually. A young woman worked behind it; she typed on a computer, and looked up to see them. She acted normally, as if she was used to this sort of thing. She was just an ordinary American, living and working in a child's world. Luke was instantly struck by her brilliant auburn hair and emerald eyes; which seemed to cut right through him like the lightsaber he wielded.

"How can I help you?" She asked them.

"We're just signing out. We'll be back in a few minutes; just need to get something from uh...the car park." Luke told her, and she smiled.

"Let me guess...You left some sort of fantastical vehicle there?" The woman chuckled.

"Uh, yes. How did you know?" Luke asked.

"Look around you hun. I work here, and have seen everything." She said and smiled.

"So can we sign out?" Luke got right to the point, trying not to stare at the woman.

"Sure, no problems." She nodded and began typing on the computer again.

As Luke turned away from the reception desk he got a glimpse of the woman's name tag. It read: _MJ. _Luke had thought she was quite pretty, more so than the princesses staying at Disney. And she worked with the minimum wage staff. And those eyes...Luke had never seen anything like them.

Han noticed his friend's gaze and grinned at him; for the first time since he had landed on Terra.

"I saw that pal." Han chuckled.

"Saw what?"

"I saw the way you were looking at her." Luke glared at him again.

"Funny you're ten years older than me, yet you're ten years less mature." Luke grumbled, and Han chuckled.

They made their way towards the park gate; and now that the sun was starting to set, and the park was closed; the security was at an all time high. Han felt almost vulnerable without his best friend Chewie. But then again, he was with Luke. Even though they had legitimately signed out, Luke hated being watched.

So he easily used the force to disable any cameras. Soon, they reached the park gate; which several armed security guards wearing black suits patrolled. Han turned to Luke, and shrugged. Luke just motioned for them to go forward. Han nudged him to protest, but the stubborn Jedi just casually marched forward. Han followed him out reluctantly. This wasn't going to end well.

A tall, bald guard caught sight of them and got the attention of his companions. They all walked out towards them with intimidating looks etched onto their faces. Neither Luke nor Han had any of it.

"Gentlemen, the park is closed! The hell you think you're doing in here?" The lead security guard growled, and advanced aggressively. They clearly didn't recognize them as park characters.

"Hang on boys...we work here now-" Han was interrupted by the cry of another guard.

"HE'S GOT A GUN!" Han looked down to see the blaster on his belt; which they were again clearly mistaking for a projectile weapon.

"No, no, no! That's just-"

The lead guard reached into his jacket and swiftly drew a Glock 17 police handgun. The other guards followed suit, and aimed at the two of them. _Love to pick fights, this planet does._

"You point that thing some place else!" Han snapped.

"Drop your weapon...and show us your hands!" The lead guard insisted. Han reached down for his blaster, and held it. He didn't however, drop it like commanded.

He raised it slowly, and drops of sweat ran down the lead guard's face.

"DROP IT!" Han called his bluff, and leveled the blaster at him. Soon, they were in a good old-fashioned Mexican standoff.

"I will shoot you..." The security guard threatened.

_No you fool...Han shoots first!_

_*PEW!*_

The guard flew back with the impact, and held his burnt shoulder, the one hit with the plasma bolt. That triggered a wall of bullets headed their way. Han hit the deck, and Luke drew his lightsaber. _ZAP, ZAP, ZAP! _He managed to make contact with the first few shots, but to his dismay they didn't ricochet back into those who fired them. They just disintegrated onto the green blade on impact.

For the first time since mastering Lightsaber combat, Luke found himself being overpowered by a ranged weapon. These 9mm 'bullets' as they called them, flew at least twenty times faster than a blaster shot, with far superior accuracy. And they couldn't be deflected.

Luke hit the deck with the saber in front of his face, hoping that he wouldn't be hit by a shot. Suddenly, a strong feminine voice broke out.

"HOLD ON! STOP, STOP, STOP!"

The firing ceased, and Luke looked up to see the same woman from before, walk into the middle of the fight. During the distraction, Luke shot a nasty scowl at Han, who once again landed them in trouble because of his attitude. He then looked up to see the woman.

"What the hell is going on here? They're Disney characters for Christ's sake!" The receptionist stormed over to the security.

"H-he was armed, and they sure as hell don't look like Disney. And you...you work in hospitality department Jayde...Who gave you the right to-" The lead guard stuttered, still clutching his arm.

Suddenly, the woman spun around a delivered a powerful roundhouse kick; with her high-heels on. Luke flinched at the sight of it.

"That's what gives me the right." She whispered to the guard menacingly, with her eyes narrowed.

"If I see any repeats of this I will report it to Iger himself." The woman threatened, and picked the wounded guard up. "Now go get your sorry ass cleaned up."

She then turned to Luke and Han, who were now on their feet, dusting themselves off. She shook her head at them.

"You guys just love fights don't you?"

"That's the point of our franchise sister." Han replied.

"Well I'd learn to cut it out if I were you." She said and started to walk off. Han scoffed.

"Well whoopee-fuckin'-doo." He muttered under his breath.

Luke didn't bother arguing with him and called out after the woman.

"Hey, wait!" She slowly turned around to face him.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for saving us back there. I appreciate it." Luke thanked her, and managed a little smile.

"No problems. I can't stand those low-IQ security guys… Skywalker right?" The mystery woman returned the smile.

"Yes. That's me." Luke said, hoping the conversation wouldn't end.

"I take it you aren't one of the characters here. You got a name?"

"Yeah, I'm not as special as you guys. Just a girl trying to make her living. You can call me MJ." The pretty red-haired girl replied, before leaving the scene gracefully.

Luke sighed, and watched her go. It was only then he realized Han was standing right next to him, staring at him in his daze. Luke slowly panned his head around to look at him; his face blank. He didn't even have to change expression for Han to get the message. Han nodded and looked away from him.

They silently and awkwardly walked between the unsettled guards, and out into the parking lot; where the _Millennium Falcon_ was crudely parked across 30 spaces. Leia waited for them there, leaning against the hull. She was fully dressed now, and still didn't look happy in the least.

"Maybe we should leave." Han said to Luke as they walked.

"Why?"

"Look at her." Han pointed out.

"Yeah, so?"

"Luke, I'm learning to live by a saying...Happy Wife, Happy life."

Meanwhile, the sun started to set over Orlando, giving off a beautiful orange glow. Luke looked up at the sky as they walked.

_**(Binary Sunset Theme)**_

* * *

**How was it? Anyone guess who Han is turning into? Or who the mystery woman is? Hope you enjoyed and don't forget to review!**

_**I GUESS I OWE YOU GUYS SOME NEW CONTENT NOW THAT THE ORIGINAL CHAPTERS HAVE BEEN UPLOADED. STAY TUNED!**_

**This has been JJZ-109, and as always, have a nice day.**


	7. Welcome to The Party, Pal

**Finally guys, for the first time since this story was deleted, we get new content! This took a very long time to write, by the way. And this is very important to the plot, no more 'just laughs' now. Well yes, this is a comedy, but not a plotless one. Anyway, who noticed the change in my profile pic? Star Wars KISS? I don't think I've ever seen so much awesome in one image. I went to see a KISS concert on Thursday, and by Christ it was amazing. "_I, wanna rock and roll all nite..." _Okay I shut up now.**

**EsmeAmelia: Huh, was it that obvious? This isn't Mara Jade as we know her, this is a bit of a different sort of character. And I don't know anything about Spiderman. I fixed that spelling mistake.**

**Not a Guest 22: You sir, have a fuckin' awesome username. I don't know why I like it so much. Probably because I get all these 'Guest' reviews. Glad you liked the bullets thing, you'll see how that impacts later on.**

**Scarstorm2000: MJ will be awesome...Isn't a Mary Sue where you put yourself in a story, and make your character have a relationship with a main original one? JJZ would never commit a crime like that. Especially to Star Wars.**

**That nerd next Door: What gave you that impression?**

**Haradion: Yes, Han always shoots first and that's what you should think, despite what Lucas wants (Making GREEDO shoot first) Plot getting' kicked off shortly.**

**Cheers: JJZ-109**

* * *

**CHAPTER 7. WELCOME TO THE PARTY, PAL**

Luke shot Han a funny look. _More like, happy you, happy life. _Luke thought and shook his head as he walked. Han shrugged, and took a look at the singular sun setting over Orlando. Despite all the pain the planet had caused them, there was no denying it's natural beauty. He then slowly lowered his gaze back onto the _Millennium Falcon_; crudely parked across thirty spaces. He paid the angry looking Leia no attention and looked over his most prized possession, making sure no damage had been done to it (even though Han recognized the locals around here were harmless). He made out a series of parking tickets stuck to the cockpit glass.

Luke and Han walked over to Leia, who was leaning against the Falcon tiredly and had had frustration etched onto her face. Luke stopped in front of her and folded his arms, before looking at Han as if he was the one meant to say something. Leia was actually first to speak.

"Who are you trying to be, Han?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Thank your brother for that. I just got out the shower. Now what was so damn important?" Han took off his brown Fedora hat and looker her in the eyes.

"Well...things didn't exactly go..." Han gently put a finger on her lips to silence her.

"I get it...Don't worry. I knew that would happen. Was that what all that blaster-racket was about?" Han smirked and Leia struggled to stop herself from doing the same.

"Taught them how to dance like how we do in our end of the galaxy." Leia said proudly, before letting out the smile that the ever-so-charming Han Solo induced.

"That's my girl! Shoot higher next time..." Han chuckled, and Luke frowned at the both of them. Leia snapped out of it and cleared her throat.

"Anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk about." Han and Luke both looked back at her. "I wanted to warn you...Because of that incident, it made me their new enemy. And they plan to get to me by getting to you two." Leia told them, and Han rolled his eyes.

"Don't take me for a fool Han, knowing you-" Leia started to get angry, but Han held up a hand.

"I promise you I won't have any of it. Okay? Their looks may be all right, but those personalities..." Han shuddered at the thought. It made Leia relax a little.

"If all that's wrong is you being jealous-"

"Jealous? I'm not jealous!" Leia argued.

"Whatever sweetheart. Now do we have permission to-"

"NO!" The interruption came from Luke this time.

"We belong to the Walt Disney Corporation now, and I'm sick of you guys complaining about it like a bunch of spoilt children. We live here now, so I suggest you guys begin learning to like it." Luke had kept his irritation hidden for long enough, and was letting it out.

"Tonight onwards...we start fresh. And you..." He turned to face just Han. "...will put that away." He snatched Han's pistol away from him and clipped it onto his belt.

"And you learn to manage your temper. Anger is the path to the dark-side." Luke scolded Leia, who nodded. She still somehow hadn't let that message sink in despite what Luke had taught.

"No picking fights tonight. This is our home, and until Lucas kicks the bucket we're all stuck here." Luke paced in front of them as he spoke. "We are going to go to his welcome party, and we are going to _behave..._All of us."

Luke's eyes danced between them as he looked his sister and best friend over, who he would never have thought he would be talking to like this. It had been a rough few days for them, sure. But now there was no more excuses. They nodded at him, and he exhaled deeply, before nodding himself. He then started walking back towards the park in silence. Leia and Han followed him, a bit more calmed down now.

"Anyway, where's Chewie?" Han asked, breaking the quiet.

"I thought he was with you." Leia replied.

"He was, then he said he was coming here to check on the Falcon." Han bit his lip.

"Great." Luke exclaimed and shook his head.

"Anyway, when's the rest of our stuff getting here?" Han asked, trying not to worry about Chewie.

"Tomorrow. A few more of the guys are coming as well as...some equipment." Luke told him, his voice trailing off a little.

"Like what sort of equipment?"

"Uh...My T-65 for starters." Luke muttered. Han rolled his eyes. Odds were that Mickey or Iger would make him do X-Wing rides for kids of something like that.

"What do you need that for?"

"It's my ride." Luke said and winked.

They walked on, chatting amongst themselves as they made their way to the Disney function center. Luke felt oddly disconnected from the force on this planet, and it made him feel very uncomfortable. The future was cloudy and difficult to foresee, but he couldn't help but have a funny feeling. What were those projectile weapons the guards had shot at them before? They weren't blasters, they seemed ten times more deadly and accurate. And Lightsabers provided little protection from them, which made him feel uneasy. But he was in Disney World however, how often would he have to fight? Supposing Han kept a lid on his temper at least.

They entered the Function Center, and progressed down the dimly lit corridor. It was unusually silent, but for some reason Luke sensed the presence of several beings. Their footsteps echoed down the hallway as they walked, until they reached the place that Mickey had told them to be at; Room 4. Luke peered through the little plastic window on the door, but saw nothing but blackness. He turned to his companions and shrugged.

"Doesn't look like anyone's home." Han commented, but Luke shook his head.

"Oh no, there's plenty of people here alright. I can sense them."

"Sounds like you just foiled a surprise party." Han muttered, and Luke slowly pushed open the door.

A long crack of light from the hallway swept across the immense floor, illuminating nothing but tiles. The door then slammed shut behind them, and the noise echoed through the huge, pitch black space. All three of them stood in the darkness dumbly for a second, before Luke's fingers stirred. He could sense presences all around him...

He raised a hand, and instantly, as if his hand were a magnet, the lightsaber soared into his grip and he didn't hesitate in pressing the ignition. Its hum echoed loudly again, and the green blade illuminated a large portion of the room, giving off an eerie green glow. The new light illuminated several faces around them, and suddenly the light was flicked on, now that their cover had been blown.

"SURPRISE!"

Luke shielded his eyes from the sudden light and retracted the Lightsaber's blade. When he opened his eyes, colorful confetti fell everywhere and he saw hundreds of characters, of all shapes, sizes, colors and species, cheering. There were several neat white tables set up, streamers lined the wall balloons were up against the ceiling. At the back, a large white banner hung up against the wall, and a huge message was written on it in the yellow Star Wars font.

_WELCOME, LUCASFILM! _

Han whispered in Luke's ear.

"Reckon they threw the same party for Marvel?" Luke shrugged, and soon the three of them were consumed by the crowd of Disney characters welcoming them.

"_Welcome to Disney people!"_

"_You're gonna love it here!"_

"_You gotta tell me about the time you fought..."_

"_Ah, Skywalker/Solo/Organa, massive fan of yours and..."_

"_Is it true that..."_

"_Welcome to the party!"_

They were barraged with a series of a recurring welcoming comments and questions before they had even walked a meter. They were soon completely overwhelmed by their crowd of 'friends' and Luke had to gently force push an opening in front of them to walk through. They soon split up as they walked, and Leia soon found herself in conversation with several more of the Disney ladies, and true to what she had promised Luke, she behaved. These girls were a bit more her type anyway, despite the rest of the differences. Mulan (Chinese Soldier), Rapunzel (Fighting princess, like her) and Nala (A lion, but a fighter nonetheless) seemed like more decent people.

Han meanwhile was backpedaling towards the bar, while a crowd followed him. He soon felt himself back into something smooth and leathery...He turned around to face a huge python snake, and trembled. It was Kaa from the Jungle book.

"Welcome Ssssolo." Kaa hissed.

"Snakes...why'd it have to be snakes?" Han whined and moved away as quickly as he could. Since he was young, snakes had been the only things that had terrified him.

He eventually made it to the bar as the crowd around him started to disperse. He wiped the sweat from his forehead as he took a seat, and ordered a beer. He repositioned himself on the barstool a little, to feel himself brush up against something fuzzy...

"Chewie?" Han turned around to look at whoever it was.

What had Chewie done to himself? His fur was now completely blue, with purple polkadots all over it. Han raised an eyebrow and took off his hat to see him clearer. At least he had found him.

"Chewie? What have you done to your hair? It looks like you lost a paintball fight, then went to a Lady Gaga concert."

"Excuse me?" Han recoiled in surprise as the Wookie spoke English.

He looked him over. It wasn't Chewie, or a Wookie at all. What the hell was it? Han shook his head and returned to his drink.

"Sorry, mistook you for somebody else." Han murmured angrily.

"Oh...Anyway, Name's Sully." The creature introduced himself.

"Solo. Han Solo."

Meanwhile, the crowd had dispersed now and everyone began mingling normally or just helping themselves to some of the food or drinks on offer. Mickey, who had been observing the whole time, walked up onto the stage and cleared his throat into the microphone. Slowly the chatter died down.

"Hiya everyone! I just wanted to welcome you all here tonight, as we welcome the characters from the beloved franchise _Star Wars _in with open arms."

"And legs!" Han jeered out, sparking a host of laughs from the men there. Mickey scowled at him. He was proving more of a problem than the villains.

"Anyway, let's get this party started! Playing for you now is the Disney Blues Band!" A group wearing black tuxedos then made their way onto the stage, and was met with applause. They then commenced playing a medium paced song to set the atmosphere.

Luke shook his head at Han, who was still recovering from his laughter. He took a seat at a table, and waved off any people that wanted his attention. He politely took a glass of champagne from a waiter and took a sip, enjoying the mood around him. He turned his head to the back of the room, where nobody really stood, the see the force apparitions of Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda and Anakin Skywalker tapping their feet in time with the music, and/or snapping their fingers. Luke shook his head.

"_Aren't you meant to be alive now?" _He communicated with them through the force.

The apparition of Anakin bit his lip, before fading away.

"_Trust me, this music isn't that great. I could do better." _He continued to Obi-Wan and Yoda.

"_Play then, why don't you? If so confident of your musical skills, you are." _Yoda challenged him.

"_You underestimate my power." _Luke replied with a grin, and stood up, waiting for the song to finish.

He then jogged up to the stage and walked on, just as the lead vocalist was announcing the next song. Luke snatched the microphone away from him, as well as the guitar.

"Alright folk...coming up next is-"

"Okay enough of that people, LS here..." Instantly several heads snapped around to see the stage.

"I wanted to play you guys a classic from where we come from. Hope you enjoy it." Luke said and the characters burst into chatter, as Luke turned around to the band.

"Okay guys this is a Jazz riff, watch me for the changes and try to keep up." Luke told them and they exchanged glances.

Luke quickly adjusted the tuning on the Gibson Les Paul guitar and then turned to the crowd. All of a sudden, his fingers danced across the strings, and played a tune familiar to everyone there, in a style never heard before. He was playing the Cantina Band theme, in a metal style. People immediately started nodding their heads to the beat and caught on quickly.

Soon people started clapping in time with the beat in unison, and a half-drunken Han Solo jumped on top of the bar and started shuffling with the music. _Now we're talking! _C-3PO then found his way on stage and started dancing as well, doing the robot, making people scream even louder. The whole of the convention room now had their attention turned to the stage, and were chanting/clapping/dancing. Some even formed a mosh pit at the bottom of the stage and flashed the Rock hand gesture at Luke.

Luke then finished main part of the song, before sliding onto his knees and into a frenzied solo. His fingers danced across the frets at an unnatural rate people started screaming again. Luke then got to his feet and used the force to make the guitar float across the stage without him moving. He then used the force to play the guitar from that distance, triggering a deafening host of screams. He looked back at the audience with his tongue out as he did so, jabbing his fingers forwards and backwards as he played the instrument from 20 feet away. The guitar then flew back into his grip and played the chorus one more time before striking the guitar hard, to signify the end of the song.

The characters screamed their approval and several pairs of underwear or flowers were thrown at him by some of the princesses. He bowed, before returning the instrument back to its owner.

The crowd then moved back to whatever it was doing beforehand, and Luke met Leia at the bottom of the stage.

"Wow...So that's what the Jedi teach you?"

"Nope. Mos Eisley Rock Club, sister." Luke cracked his knuckled before returning to his normal self.

_A few drinks later_...

A now completely drunk Han Solo sat in the center of a group, all listening to him. Around him were Flynn Rider, Jack Sparrow, Sheriff Woody and Buzz Lightyear. He sipped on yet another drink as he told stories of his life.

"A-and then she said she l-love me...a-and you know w-what I said?"

"What?" They all asked intently.

"I-I know." The Disney badasses burst into laughs and/or jeers.

"Ooh man, that's how you piss her off!"

"I know r-right?"

Leia watched him angrily and shook her head. At least he was getting on with them. She was about to return to her conversation when..._BANG!_

Everyone in the party room swung around in unison. The emergency exit doors had been blown down, and through the smoke two dark figures appeared; Vader and Palpatine.

_**(Imperial March Theme) **_

They weren't alone. The Emperor had one arm around Cruella De Vil, and the other around Maleficent. Many others then followed them through the door. A black-maned lion, a man in a black Arabic tunic, a man in a red captain's uniform, a French Hunter and several others followed them through. Luke just rolled his eyes, but most of the Disney characters gasped.

They seemed to submit as the villains shoved their way through to the front. They then replaced the music with Michael Jackson's _Bad_ and Luke turned to a man standing behind him, who turned out to be Hercules.

"What's the big deal?"

"They're villains. Extremely dangerous. Almost brought their particular world to an end in a few instances, and some even succeeded. They normally aren't allowed to come to these sort of events..." Hercules told him.

"Just stay out of the way and it should be fine." Luke told him, using his knowledge of Vader and the Emperor.

C-3PO then chimed in from the back.

"If you don't mind me saying so Master Luke, but I cannot see why everyone is so alarmed. Every single character before you has been defeated by somebody in this room. I do not recognize any threat from them, especially considering the comic nature of Disney villains..." 3PO said aloud, making several villain's heads snap around to face him.

R2-D2 let out a series of cautious beeps, but C-3PO turned to him.

"Now, now Artoo, we are perfectly safe here. They cannot harm us." 3PO proclaimed out loud, triggering more gasps. Hades stepped forward.

"Is that so Goldenrod? We could take any of you people here, ANY OF YOU!" He challenged out loud, causing more nervous murmurs.

"Can it flame-head. You all lost hands down. And besides, we've beat you before and we'll do it again." Aladdin retorted.

"Try it..."

"F-for once I a-actually agree with 3PO, them villains c-can't beat us..." Han said confidently, and smashed his bottle down on the bar-top.

"You would be wise to silence yourself Solo." Vader threatened. Han made a sarcastic scared face.

"Really? Go on _Ani, _fight me." Han walked over and cracked his knuckles.

That was all it took. Nobody called Vader 'Ani' and lived to tell the tale. Vader ignited his lightsaber and swung at Han, but Luke was there in the blink of an eye and blocked the blow with his own green blade. The room then burst into chaos. Tables were flipped over, and angered cries rang out as the full blown brawl started.

Peter Pan and Captain Hook dueled with blades not too far from Vader and Luke, whose ever-so-destructive lightsabers made a mess of the place around them. Aladdin sparred with Jafar atop the bar, and many of the other villains just found themselves in one huge punch-up or wrestle in the middle of the room.

Simba and Scar lashed at each other in the corner, tearing up curtains and tablecloths with their razor-sharp claws. Meanwhile, Han found himself being backed into a corner by a trio of hyenas. They laughed maniacally as they readied themselves to pounce. He patted his blaster holster, only to remember that Luke had taken his weapon. _Now what? _

"SOLO, HERE!" Woody cried out and tossed Han something- a weapon. A whip. _Thank the force you're a cowboy._

Han then turned to face the hyenas with his new weapon, and snarled. _WHA-CRACK! _He swung the whip and caught Ed on the behind. He yelped and as one, the hyenas started retreating. _WHA-CRACK! _Han started to get the hang of the weapon he used, knocking weapons out of people's hands and forcing them to get out of its range.

Meanwhile, the Emperor watched on contently. He watched the brawl as it unfolded, and admired the anger, the fear, the _hatred _before him. The dark side was strong with those he had gathered.

"_HEY! CUT IT OUT NOW!" _All of a sudden everyone stopped, whatever punch they were about to throw, or whatever weapon they were about to fire or use was lowered. In the middle of the room was an enraged Mickey, who was panting from his burst of rage.

"I cannot believe you people! This was meant to be a fun night for all, and instead...THIS!" Mickey raged, but quickly realized that what he was doing was improper for a person like himself. He composed himself and continued scolding, a little more coolly.

"I want all of you to clean the general mess up, and then return to your homes at once." Mickey ordered them, his lip still trembling with rage.

"I can sense your anger mouse...do not channel it, let it flow through you..." The Emperor was disappointed that what he created had been stopped, but he realized Mickey's potential.

"You have hate and anger, but you bury them in favor of-"

"SILENCE! Now return home." Mickey snapped at him.

Groans broke out from the crowd and they roughly put the place back together. Luke retracted his lightsaber blade and shook his head. That did not need to happen.

* * *

**Shiiieeettt that was long. Hope you enjoyed and had a laugh. Lets try and restore this story's former glory, eh? Get the review avg back up to 8. **

**This has been JJZ-109, and as always...Have a nice day.**


	8. Well That Escalated Quickly

**Okay...so that was all I needed to do to get my progress back? Upload new content? Alrighty then, here yas go. This is my first chapter that includes a song: 'Be Prepared' from The Lion King. This chapter may have less laughs in it than the previous one, but a bit more of a story-orientated one. Anyway more songs will appear later, _I'll Make a Man out of You _and _A whole New World _for starters, but this is in no way a songfic. Just trying to blend Disney and Lucasfilm together as well as I can. Now for the hard part...Review responses -_-**

**His Majesty the Emperor: Perhaps...maybe. Anyone played by Harrison Ford is equally awesome. **

**KrautYank: You love your Rogue Squadron don't you?**

**Scarstorm2000: Oh no, MJ has her flaws. She is not perfect by any means, and will turn out to be a famous Star Wars EU character...And absolutely not a self-insert. I don't want to be getting with Luke, I'm not a poof. **

**Lord Destroyer: Yes, I finally found some 'not-so-girly' Disney characters for her. And no, the Emperor has not lost his marbles by any stretch. And I never mentioned the party was for heroes only, I just said it that the villains were dangerous and rarely go to the events. As for Marvel, this is about Lucasfilm's buying out, not theirs.**

**ThatGirlWhoLovesELO: Yes, that is what was intended. Thanks :)**

**Cheers: JJZ-109**

* * *

**CHAPTER 8. WELL THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY**

Luke felt the beating heat of the lightsaber on his face fade away into cool as the elegant green blade retracted. He shot a glance at Vader, who seemed to have cooled down as well. They never really wanted to fight each other. Luke just had to protect Han before the man went home holding his head in one arm and his balls in the other. He knew Vader would have no hesitation in doing that. The two didn't have a brilliant history, but then again, neither did they. It was the father-son relationship alone that had stopped them from killing each other in the past. But now they felt it was something more than that, something that should have been. But that was so easily destroyed after incidents like these.

They both then looked away from each other, before helping turn all the tables the right way up and sweep all the smashed glass into piles with their feet. They then separated, as the Disney protagonists and antagonists went their different ways, many beaten and bruised. The absence of the crowd revealed the true extent of the mess. The floor was coated in smashed glass, spilt drinks and food, pieces of streamers/confetti and other debris from the brawl.

Luke stood to the side and let everyone depart through the double doors, and as Han walked past, he shot him a murderous look. Han shrugged and clipped his blaster replacement, the whip given to him by that cowboy onto his belt. Leia looked at her brother sadly as she solemnly left the room, and Luke bit his lip. Once the last of the heroes had left, Luke shut the doors and walked back through the messy Function room. In the corner of his eye he caught sight of Sidious, just watching the few people left in the room. He caught sight of Luke after a while, and silently headed out the opposite door. He was in an unusually good mood.

Luke walked over to Mickey, who stood in the middle of the room with his head in his hands. Luke could sense his anger.

"Is there anything I can do to help clean up around here?" Mickey looked at him awkwardly.

"No, nothing. You can go back to your room." Luke nodded and started to turn away from him. "By the way, your friend the Captain is really quite the bundle of trouble. Can you kindly ask him to behave himself?" Mickey requested and Luke sighed.

"Han Solo...you'll learn to love him. Yes, I'll talk to him. I am so sorry about any trouble we caused tonight." Luke apologized sincerely, and Mickey exhaled loudly.

"That's alright. I suppose I shouldn't have gotten so mad. I'm sorry too." Mickey conceded. _I don't blame you, really._

Mickey then exited the trashed Function Room, leaving Luke alone with a cleaner that had been called to take care of the mess. He sighed loudly, before turning to look at the cleaner who was the only person who in the immense room with him. She tiredly swept broken glass into a dustbin, before tipping it into a larger garbage bag. It didn't take Luke long to realize who she was. It was the 'MJ' girl from before.

He walked over to her quietly and watched her struggle to lift a tipped over wooden table. He bent down to help her, but she swatted him away and turned to scowl at him. Luke backed away a little and put his hands on his hips.

"I was only trying to help."

"I don't need your help Sci-fi boy." She snapped. Luke looked into her bloodshot eyes and saw the sleeplessness and frustration.

"Why don't you _want _my help?" Luke asked, wisely deducing that she really did need his help but didn't want it.

"I don't need a man's help." MJ said through gritted teeth as she tried to lift the table. "And its because of you people I have to work until all this is cleaned up."

Luke nodded and watched her give up trying to lift the table, panting. Calmly and gently, he raised a hand...and the table slowly rose from the ground, making MJ's eyes open wide in shock. The table then straightened itself, before gently touching back down onto the ground, standing up this time. Luke smiled at MJ, but she ignored him and kept working.

"MJ isn't it?" Luke asked, and she nodded as she swept up some more glass.

"Well...MJ, I can understand your frustration, and I would like to help you clean this up quicker as an apology on behalf of all of us." Luke offered, and smiled again.

He then proceeded to gently wave a hand across the room, and instantly all the smashed glass seemed to sweep itself into piles; halving the work. She frowned at him.

"Why don't you want my help MJ?" Luke questioned, and she stopped working so she could face him.

"Because you're one of them. A typical movie character that lives out a life of luxury and expects girls like me to do all their dirty work." MJ complained.

"I'm not 'one of them' MJ. My life has been far from luxurious. I've lived a life of war, conflict, betrayal and violence. And I obviously don't expect you to do all my dirty work when I offer to help you." Luke said and folded her arms. MJ sighed angrily. "Anyway, do you work both day and night shifts?"

"Yeah, I do. I work in the Administration by day and maintenance by night. It is the only way I can get enough money." MJ told him.

"Enough money for what?"

"None of your business, Skywalker." She snapped at him, before continuing putting things into her trash bag. "Do you want something Skywalker, or are you just here to annoy me?" She shot him an angry look, her eyes burning like green flames.

"Yes actually. Since you were working in the Admin, I was hoping if you could make up an ID for me. So there are no more instances like back at the gate."

"Okay. Fine." MJ said and drew a pen and notebook, to take down his details.

"Full name?"

"Luke Mark Skywalker."

"Date of birth?"

"By this planet's calendar...25th of May 1977."

"Height?"

"5'9."

"Phone number?"

"Don't have one. Holograms communication code: i6897BE7X."

"Okay..." She finished dotting down the details and pocketed the notebook. "Meet me tomorrow at the Hero Villa Reception, it'll be ready by noon." She told him.

"I'll be there...Anyway, farewell." Luke said and started walking to the door, sighing.

She sure wasn't as bright and cheerful like she had been before. He turned one last time to look her over. He was meeting her tomorrow to collect his new ID that he had requested. _It's something I guess..._All of a sudden a strange curiosity about her plagued Luke's mind.

_Not too long later, in the dungeon..._

"Man that lousy Han Solo...I'm not going to be able to sit for a week!" A familiar voice complained. It was followed by a stream of maniacal laughter.

"It's not funny Hook..." The threatening tone only seemed to induce more laughter, and the crazed pirate rolled about the floor, laughing hysterically.

"Hey shut up!" Scar growled, but soon lost his cool. He pounced on Captain Hook and the two were soon locked in an intense wrestle.

"Look at you fools. No wonder we haven't got any respect." The villain known as Frollo shook his head as he watched them fight.

"Man I hate being the bad guy." Hook complained.

"You know, if it weren't for those new sci-fi guys we'd be running with joy."

"Yeah I hate them too." Scar agreed.

"So pushy..."

"And geeky..."

"And stinky..."

"And man are they..." They all reared up to say the last part in unison. "UGLY!" they chuckled amongst themselves. Suddenly another crackly voice startled them.

"Surely Science Fiction characters aren't that bad?" They looked up in surprise to see Darth Sidious just standing there, watching them.

"Oh...Palpatine, its just you. We thought it was somebody important." Hook explained and sighed in relief.

"Yeah...like George Lucas." Scar agreed.

"I see..." Palpatine's eyes narrowed as he watched them.

"Sometimes I just hear that name and I shudder." Hook said.

"George Lucas..." Scar said, looking for his reaction and true to his word he shuddered.

"Ooh, do it again."

"George Lucas...George Lucas GEORGE LUCAS!" They burst into a fit of laughter, and Palpatine put his head in his hands.

"I'm surrounded by nerf-herders..."

"But you're not like them Palpatine, you're one of us!"

"Charmed."

"I like that. He's not the boss but he's still so proud."

"Anyway, did you bring back any food from the party? I'm starving." Frollo complained.

"I don't think you really deserve this. I practically set that up for you, and you couldn't even finish the job..." Palpatine tossed them a few slices of pieces he had saved from the party.

"Well what were we supposed to do? Kill the heroes in front of Mickey?" Frollo asked as he ate.

An evil look swept across Darth Sidious's face. He had brilliantly calculated yet another formidable plan. This time, there would be no escape for anyone. The wretched planet known as 'Terra' or 'Earth' would be destroyed, the power he longed for would be his, and he would have a new apprentice to replace the aging Darth Vader...

"Precisely..." Sidious snarled, and everyone looked up to face him. He then stalked up between them. If this was to work, then he would have to start acting like a Disney villain...

_**(Be Prepared opening Drumroll)**_

"_I know that your powers of retention, are as wet as a Bantha's backside..."_

As he sang, he whacked the pesky metal sword Hook was fiddling with out of his grip.

"_But as thick as you are, pay attention! My words are a matter of pride."_

"_It's clear from your vacant expression, the lights aren't all upstairs..."_

"_But we're talking Empires and Rebellions...Even YOU can't be caught unawares..."_

He whacked most of the villains into attention with the force, and started to lead them up out of the dungeon.

"_So prepare for the chance of a lifetime, be prepared for the sensational news."_

"_A shining new era, is tiptoeing nearer..."_

"And what about that blaster-" Palpatine cut Frollo off and shook him by the shoulders.

"Just listen to master."

" _I know it sounds sordid, but you'll be rewarded, when at last I am given my dues."_

"_An injustice deliciously squared...BE PREPARED!"_

"Yeah, we'll be prepared...for what?" Hook asked.

"The fall of the heroes!" Palpatine yelled out.

"Why, are they sick?"

"No you twit we're going to kill them. Lucas and Disney too..."

"Great idea! Who needs to be bossed around?" They all started slapping each other high-fives but Palpatine was quick to stop them.

"Idiots there will be a leader! _I _will be leader! Stick with me...and you'll never be hated again!"

"Long live the Emperor!"

"_Long live the Emperor! Long Live the Emperor!" _The cry echoed about Disney World as all the other villains joined in. Darth Sidious let out his famous cackle and raised his arms up, signaling for an increase in noise. More and more of the villains joined in the chant, and it slowly grew louder and louder, as they all congregated in Main Street and pumped their fists into the air as they chanted "_Long Live the Emperor!" _Sidious met Vader atop the main Disney entrance gate and they watched on as the villains marched on in organized lines beneath them. A new Empire was rising.

"_Its great that we'll soon be connected, with an Emperor who'll be all time adored..."_

"_Of course quid pro quo you're expected, to take certain duties on board..."_Palpatine sung, and slid a finger across his neck.

"_The future is littered with prizes...and though I'm the main addressee..." _Palpatine leapt down from his perch and landed gracefully before a few more of the comic villains giggling amongst themselves.

"_The point that I must emphasize is..." _He drew his crimson bladed lightsaber and slit the belt buckle of the chattering villain who flinched and screamed.

"_YOU WON'T GET A SNIFF WITHOUT ME!" _

He then leapt further up the castle, which more of the villains were ascending up slowly. He force leapt higher and higher up, sticking to roofs and flat walls.

"_So be prepared for the coup of the century..."_

"_Be prepared, for the murkiest scam!"_

"_Meticulous planning..."_

"_Tenacity spanning..."_

"_Decades of denial, is simply why I'll..."_

"_Be Emperor Undisputed, respected, saluted and seen for the badass I am!"_

"_Yes my lightsaber and anger are bared...BE PREPARED!"_

He then silenced himself and let his newly inspired army of villains sing for themselves.

"_Yes our lightsabers and anger are bared...BE PREPARED!" _He did however sing the last part out loud with gusto. He then coughed loudly and violently as all the other villains laughed evilly. His croaky old voice wasn't used to that sort of exercise.

Sidious peered at Vader over his shoulder, who had remained silent throughout the whole song and had his arms folded. He must assume he was part of the plan. How wrong he was.

There could only ever be two.

A master and an apprentice, and Vader would no longer fit either of those categories.

* * *

**How was that? Fit in well enough? More coming up shortly. And I noticed quite a few of you have taken clues or hints as to the future of this story...**

**This has been JJZ-109, and as always...Have a nice day.**


	9. Fan Service

**Well fuck me that was a long wait. Well there are a number of excuses. I was lazy, then I went camping, then I went to write, then I had to walk my dog and my homework ate it. But anyway, here it is. This one was meant to be funnier than the last, and I apologize for any errors in it as the latter part of it was a little rushed. Enough of me yapping on. Onto responses...**

**Schattentanz: Cheers mate, and both of your guesses have some sort of accuracy to them.**

**Crazy: Wait and see mate, wait and see.**

**His Majesty the Emperor: Aaaah, had you told me that last idea beforehand I would have definitely used it. I've already done a villain song, so I don't think Hellfire will fit in (Good song though, give you that).**

**Lord Destroyer: Jabba? No. Boba? Yes. You know what? I really like the sound of that name you made up...And 'MJ' is a bit of a new take on 'Mara Jade', not like the original one.**

**That nerd next Door: Vader won't be tossed aside, it'll be a bit more interesting than that.**

**Scarstorm2000: Of course I did. And what's Scar going to do about it anyway? What good is a lion against a fully armed Sith Lord? **

**Not a Guest 22: Still not as late as my update. thanks anyway.**

**IonicAmalgam: That's a weird thing to like about the story, but whatever works for you...**

**Cheers: JJZ-109**

* * *

**CHAPTER 9. FAN SERVICE**

_The next day, in the Disney World 'Star Tours' Gift shop_

Luke, Leia, Han, Chewie and the droids lazed about the cool interior of the _Star Tours _ride gift shop, mainly to escape the Florida heat outside, but also the hosts of little children and park-goers. Luke had tried to warn the others that the gift shop (which was the exit to the Star Tours Ride) wouldn't be a good place for avoiding attention, but he was able to use the force to convince most of the riders that all they had seen were normal park patrons/staff. And this was the only place in the whole park that seemed to be more their style; with all the Star Wars merchandise and themes.

Luke had much more on his mind than simply avoiding attention and staying cool, though. Later on he was to visit the park receptionist 'MJ' to collect his new ID tag. But for him, it was much more than that. Technically he knew that Jedi weren't supposed to feel that sort of affection, but then again, nobody _told _him about that, did they? His excuse was that he supposedly didn't know. Anyway, how could someone live their whole life like that anyway? His father hadn't managed, and it didn't look like he would. Hell, Obi-Wan probably kept a magazine stash somewhere in his Tatooine home.

The other thing on Luke's mind though, seemed a little more important. He was getting R2 to hack into the Earth DataNet, known to its users as 'Google'. He needed to find out some more information on those strange, projectile-firing blasters he had encountered last night. Normally, such a new and seemingly mundane weapon wouldn't bother him, but for some reason he felt a great disturbance in the force, which was really something with the lack of connection to it he got on this planet. He had an odd feeling that maybe this 'weapon' was involved somehow. Anything that could best a lightsaber made him feel uneasy.

"What is all this disrespectful junk..." Han said, flicking through some DVDs for sale. The titles were _Spaceballs, Family Guy: Blue Harvest _and _Robot Chicken Star Wars. _All films that mocked his terrible experiences.

"Weird to think how much money you can squeeze out of a franchise." Han added, before tossing the DVDs aside.

"You can talk. I was surprised at how much money you milked for rescuing me from Vader." Leia jabbed at him, Han looked up and shook his head at her.

"If it was more than a buck ninety-eight I would be surprised." Han mumbled under his breath, before starting to look through some fan mags. He eventually came across a picture of Leia from 1983, from a notorious scene in the sixth film.

Han held the magazine up to her with a hopeful glint in his eyes and a smirk across his face. Leia scowled at him.

"Don't even think about it flyboy." She snapped, and continued rifling through the shelves.

Meanwhile, Luke nudged R2, who beeped in response. _Not much longer to go now. _Luke thought. He checked the cheap Mickey Mouse watch he had bought on arrival. It was almost time to meet MJ, and his information was almost downloaded. He leant back against the wall and tapped his foot anxiously. Leia's alarmed voice then startled him out of his daze.

"Surely they can't sell these...This is so dangerous and irresponsible." Leia turned back to Luke, and what was in her hands equally shocked him.

The most deadly hand-held weapon in the galaxy; Lightsabers.

"What? How did they get a hold of them? That's not possible." Luke said and walked over to her, grabbing the weapons out of her grip.

"Really went all out on merchandising...So anyway, what are you going to do about it? You can't just let them sell these to force knows who." Leia watched him fiddle with the hilts.

He adjusted his grip on them, before weighing them and looking down into the mechanism dangerously. He then rolled his eyes and tossed them back to Leia shamelessly, who still treated them like real weapons and flinched a little at his action.

"Yes I can...Perhaps...If you read the box before blindly opening it my good sister, this sort of thing wouldn't happen." Luke then pulled a long black box off the shelf, which read: _Obi-Wan Kenobi Force FX Lightsaber Replica. _

"Toys." Leia said in disbelief. This is what was becoming of them. She watched as Luke unscrewed the bottom of the lightsaber and four AA batteries slid out.

"This what the years have done to us."

"It's not the years honey, its the mileage." Han commented sadly, before continuing to flick through a fan magazine.

Luke still didn't agree with selling replica sabers that could so easily pass for real ones to the point it was dangerous. They looked, felt and weighed exactly like a real lightsaber. He then checked his watch: _11:41. _It was almost time to meet MJ to collect his new identification card. More than that, he was hoping he could warm up to her. Perhaps he could invite her to lunch somewhere? He checked his hair in the reflection of the window and tidied it a little, before turning to R2 so he could nudge him.

"Let's go." Luke slowly made for the door, and quickly grabbed a souvenir cap off the shelf for a little disguise and perhaps protection from the harsh heat.

"Where are you going kid?" Han looked up at him.

"To get something."

"What's with the hat?" Han raised an eyebrow.

"Well, you seemingly claimed the Fedora from me." Han smirked a little, before motioning for him to get lost.

Luke started out into the busy Disney Park, with R2 rolling right at his side. People paid him much less attention than before, purely because of how he was dressed. He no longer looked like a film character. He did eventually catch sight of Vader, who unfortunately due to his attire, was the subject of a lot of children and fanboys wanting photographs/signatures, even though he was a primary villain. Luke shuddered at the sight, and kept on moving casually.

"_BWEEEEPP!" _R2 screeched as a fat man tried to shove his lunch garbage into R2-D2, mistaking him for a garbage can.

"What the-"

"Come on...come on..." Luke quickly ushered R2 ahead and whispered for him to hurry up before they were recognized.

But as soon as he was turned around-_WHACK! _He walked straight into another person; a woman. Luke put up a hand to apologize but when he saw who it was, his jaw dropped. It was the princesses, and they had apparently developed quite a 'fondness' of him. He was about to slink away, but he realized it was too late. His cover was blown.

"Skywalker? It's him!" One overly feminine voice said, and Luke started to back up slowly.

"_Oh, Skywalker!" _It was too late, they swamped around him, making all sorts of strange comments and trying to kiss or caress him.

"_You're famous and cute!"_

"_You blew up the Death Star!"_

"_Will you be my hero, please?"_

"_I've found my prince!"_

Luke knew he couldn't use force, and was slowly backed into a corner as he was swamped by the group of princesses. All he could see was a strange flashing of girly colors and an array of different faces. This would take some skill to get out of...or would it? He was forced into a ball on the floor, shielding his face with one hand, while the princesses tried to advance on him, while the other hand slowly slipped into his belt and produced his wallet...

"HEY! What about that guy?" Luke yelled out, silencing all of them. His finger was extended towards Vader, who looked up at the sight of the racket.

"He may look like a big scary antagonist, but under all that armor...is this." He pulled out a photo of Anakin Skywalker in his prime, and all the princesses gasped. Now _that _was something they liked.

Immediately almost half of them flooded over to Vader, and started swamping him and begging him to remove his mask.

_Sorry Dad..._

The remaining princesses were now few enough for him to be able to get to his feet and push past them. Luke decided to turn to face them. He slowly waved a hand across their faces, and their expressions instantly went blank.

"You will now go home and ponder how you can set a _positive_ role model for young girls." Luke used the age-old trick.

"We will now go home and ponder how we can set a positive role model for young girls." The princesses repeated and dispersed.

"Come on R2...let's get going." Luke sighed and R2 beeped his approval.

_Meanwhile, pinnacle of the Disney Main Castle_

The Emperor watched on with his binoculars, and let out his distinctive cackle. Everything was going according to plan. He knew Skywalker couldn't be turned, nor defeated easy, so eliminating him psychologically was the way to go. But for now, he was just a pawn. He watched as Vader struggled against the crowds of Disney princesses, heroines and Star Wars fangirls. That would be the last Luke would ever see of him, he was sure. He was interrupted by a cool, French voice.

"My lord, the Castle blueprints and mapping are complete." Frollo reported, and Sidious turned to face him.

"Good...good." Sidious swallowed, before speaking again.

"Judge Frollo...The time has come." Frollo nodded, before walking away quickly.

The Emperor looked up, as more transport ships started descending down towards Disney. They carried everything he would need. Technology, personnel, and weapons. It was time for him to rise again, and destroy the wretched country that was the United States, or better, the wretched planet that was Terra. And what better people to accompany him on his mission than the villains? So strong with the dark side they were.

On the concrete which he stood, he had already engraved a new motto and message with his lightsaber.

"_When you wish on a Death Star..."_

_Back at Hero Villa Admin_

Luke tossed his cap aside as soon as he entered into the cool, air-conditioned Villa reception. He quickly straightened his black tunic and fixed his hair a little, in preparation. As expected, MJ sat patiently behind her desk, with bloodshot eyes due to being up late that night working, and from a strange racket coming from the villain's quarters...

She didn't even look up at Luke and held up the card, much to his dismay. She didn't seem to want anything to do with him.

"Thank you." Luke said, but didn't leave. He cleared his throat and leant on the desk nervously.

"Is there something I can do for you Skywalker?" MJ asked and looked up at him for the first time.

"Well MJ, I was wondering if you would like to accompany me to lunch in Orlando City." Luke asked respectfully, and she now turned her whole body on her chair to face him.

"Why?"

"Well, so we can get something to eat first and foremost, and then I was hoping perhaps you could tell me a bit about this planet."

"Sorry Sci-Fi boy, I'm busy." MJ lied, and was about to walk away, but Luke gently stopped her.

"I can arrange for any jobs of yours to be done. Anyway, I can sense untruthfulness you know..." Luke said and MJ blushed.

"If you do not like me then I can go by myself." Luke said and started walking towards the door, seemingly in defeat.

"No, no!" MJ protested, and stopped him. _Bingo. _

"Where did you want to go?"

"I heard some of the food on this planet was remarkable. We can find a Cantina." Luke told her.

"You mean restaurant?"

"Whatever. Do you want to come or not?"

"I guess...Anyway who else would tell you about the 'planet'" MJ said and gathered her things. Hopefully Luke's mind tricks were good enough to convince Mickey that he had let her go with him.

Secretly, she didn't dislike Luke as much as she pretended to.

"Is this some elaborate way of asking me out?" MJ raised an eyebrow at Luke, who led them out into the car park.

"It may have been."

"And I wasn't mind tricked?" MJ asked and Luke laughed out loud in response.

"No MJ you weren't mind-tricked."

They eventually came to Luke's T-65 X-Wing which had just been dropped off. MJ felt her jaw drop.

"What...is that?"

"That is my ride. And the fantastical vehicle you referred to earlier."

* * *

**How was it? I swear to Christ i shall never commit a 2 week wait period again in my life. Next update will be sooner. Let's hear your theories! Odds are they're right. i'm not being too mysterious with this story.**

**This has been JJZ-109, and as always...Have a nice day.**


	10. Tour Around Orlando

**Okay this was meant to be longer, and include another important segment, but the tour took longer than I thought it would. And the wait wasn't quite three weeks, was it? BAD NEWS: Disney shut down Lucasarts the childish motherfuckers! I'll kill them! They also shut down Clone Wars, but I thought killing that dog was smart. WORSE NEWS: North Korea is going to nuke us all before the story is finished. Anyway, Luke finds out a few things in this chapter. Hope you enjoy and tell us if you did. By the way, there's a new author on this site called 'RDR-838', so send him some love for me. Tell him about good old JJZ. (I know him personally).**

**His Majesty the Emperor: It could be happening in real life...And you'll see what becomes of that castle. And you liked Clone Wars? I thought that was the skid mark on the underwear of the great franchise that is Star Wars. And now that its finally done, it means all steam ahead for Episode 7.**

**Lord Destroyer: I didn't mean what you called the Emperor, I meant 'Darth Rodentia'. I like that...I looked into the Parksabers, but they were like 400 bucks each or something. No thanks. 120 will get you a nice Force FX one.**

**That nerd next Door: I agree in that Sarah Connor and Ellen Ripley are great strong female characters, do we really want little girls running around shooting toy guns and swearing? **

**KatyPerry22: Well you put a proper good spamming on my inbox...But thanks for the feedback. Glad you find it funny.**

**IonicAmalgam: Yeah, I guess it does beat the usual ass-kissing nature of a lot of reviewers. I go by the same policy, in that I only review something if I really like it. Or really hate it (rarely). **

**EsmeAmelia: Not stole, just inspired by. Why would they go on the ride when they can just jump in the Falcon waiting in the car-park? And wouldn't that be more fun?**

**Cheers: JJZ-109**

* * *

**CHAPTER 10. TOUR AROUND ORLANDO**

The Emperor stood on the balcony of the main Disney castle, overseeing the unloading of all their (and the Rebel's) things. More and more of their supplies and iconic objects arrived, including weapons and Imperial Military Vehicles. But they were severely limited. He was stuck with what he was receiving for now, and only one 'person' had the authority to order the 'space-movers' to go back and collect other, or _more_ things.

He looked through some cheap tourist binoculars he has stolen, and overlooked as several large metal crates were unloaded, and more personnel arrived. It wasn't hard to recognize the pearly white armor of the Stormtroopers glistening in the hot Florida sun, nor the battle-worn moss colored attire of the New Zealander Bounty Hunter, Boba Fett. Wait; was he from Kamino or New Zealand? _Matter of opinion I guess. _Palpatine thought. Then again, was he from Naboo or Scotland? He would never really know.

Most of the people he needed were here, but nothing in the way of equipment. That was a problem he was going to fix. Checking his watch, he turned around and started heading towards the Disney Corporate Building, a place he had deemed such a curse previously, but now a blessing. That would be the one place Vader would would be safe from the princesses/fangirls. They weren't allowed in there, but he, as a newly acquired purchase, would be. Iger had told them to visit him if they needed something, but with this visit, it would not be when he was home.

_Meanwhile_

Luke and MJ quickly stepped through the unloading dock, where all of his 'stuff' was being unloaded from transport vessels. MJ was completely on edge, flinching at any sudden noise or anything out of the ordinary. All of this was simply (and literally in a sense) out of this world. She had never dreamed of seeing such advanced technology. She noticed how they were moving further and further away from that fighter-plane looking thing that Luke had told her about.

"Hey, didn't you say that plane was yours?" She asked, trailing behind him a little.

"Starfighter my dear, not 'plane'. And yes it is mine, but not quite suitable for driving about the streets of Orlando, wouldn't you agree?" MJ didn't reply, and bit her lip.

Luke manually opened a large metal garage door, which was loaded with boxes, and had one large object in the middle of the room underneath a car cover. The cloth rose and arched unusually at the back for some reason. Luke let the light pour into the dark container and marched over to the object.

"There we are." Luke said and grabbed the edge of the large cloth, before yanking it back.

Dust flew everywhere, and MJ's could feel her mouth fall open. It was too unreal.

"What the hell is that?" She finally managed to breathe out, still awestruck.

"That is a Landspeeder. Had it since I was a kid on the farms." Luke told her and jumped into the driver's seat.

"Wait a second, you worked on a farm?"

"Yeah, on Tatooine. Why?" Luke asked.

"I grew up on a farm too, in Texas." She suddenly felt such a stronger connection to him than before. Sure he seemed like a nice guy, and was a little cute, but now she could actually relate to him.

Luke nodded. That was the first thing he had found out about the past of this mysterious, yet beautiful woman. For some reason, he couldn't figure her out. Her mind was strong, as was the force with her. The presence almost seemed as great as it was in Leia. She was the first person on this planet that he had felt it with. And there was still something more to her than meets the eye, but he couldn't put his finger on it. _That's because you have a robotic hand you fool. _

MJ was about to jump in beside Luke, but caught glimpse of a logo on the very front of the Landspeeder. _Ford. _She raised an eyebrow at Luke.

"It's a GT, right?" She asked him, and he laughed.

"Yep. 427 cubic inch Repulsorlift engine. Supercharged." Luke informed her and she jumped in beside him.

MJ reached for a seatbelt, but worryingly, she couldn't find one. With a nervous expression, she turned to look at Luke.

"Wait, how fast does this go again?"

Too late.

Luke stamped his foot down on the accelerator, and the vehicle suddenly lurched out of the container, hovering about half a meter above the ground. MJ was thrown back with the g-force, and gripped onto her seat tightly as Luke sped out of the park. She couldn't show him fear whatever she did.

They progressed down onto the highway, and Luke was able to roughly guess the legal speed limit from the other cars around him. MJ's auburn hair blew wildly behind her in the breeze as they drove in the 'fantastical vehicle', and she watched several heads in other cars turn to look at them as they drove past, as if they were driving a Formula 1 car on the highway. Even worse. A car without wheels. A concept that belonged in _Back to the Future._

Luke soon exited the highway, and pulled up to a set of lights. MJ took the opportunity to tie her hair back, while Luke slipped on a pair of Aviator sunglasses, that he had taken from Leia. A loud rumbling then startled them, and Luke turned his head to see a black 1967 Pontiac Firebird, with flames painted on the side and spinner wheels, along with side-pipes that emitted flames, pull up beside them and rev its engine loudly, making them flinch.

The redneck driver jeered at them and revved his engine again, and made his car lurch forward; clearly asking for a race.

"Come on pal! Let's go, huh?" He yelled out, and Luke smiled wickedly.

Luke nodded at them. He already had an arm slightly dangling over the edge of the Landspeeder, and discretely stretched out his fingers. Meanwhile he also made his speeder lurch forward a little, accepting the challenge.

Suddenly the light turned green, and the Landspeeder flew forward at an incredible pace. The redneck muscle car driver planted his foot down on the accelerator, but nothing happened. The car didn't budge. _What the hell? _He looked out the window and down, and then he saw it.

His wheels lay beside the car, completely disassembled. The nuts were splayed out across the road, and the wheel caps were screwed off. And then all the air seemed to have mysteriously been squeezed out of the tires. His lip trembled in anger. Luke had used the force to take apart all four of his wheels.

"You Jedi son of a-" Luke was already long gone, having won their little 'challenge'.

_Later on..._

"Mm..." Luke hummed as he had his first taste of American fast food. MJ watched him, half embarrassed and half intrigued.

"So you've never had McDonald's before?" MJ asked as she watched Luke bite into the Quarter Pounder.

Luke swallowed and looked at MJ, who hadn't stopped staring at him, and not in the 'damn that guy's hot shit' kind of way. He shook his head and took a mouthful of fries. _So much for a classy lunch. _MJ thought and studied him.

A staff member then walked up to their booth and delivered their drinks. Luke smiled at the chubby teenage girl, who had obvious braces and a severe case of acne.

"My compliments to the chef." Luke said and the waiter raised an eyebrow.

"Seriously?" The teenage waiter almost seemed amused.

"Yes." Luke confirmed.

"HEY BOB! THERE'S SOME PRIEST OVER HERE THAT LIKES YOUR BURGERS!" The teenager screamed out to the kitchen from where she was.

"FIRST DAMN ONE!" The cook yelled back.

MJ shot an 'I told you so' face at Luke, who shrugged. She folded her hands on the table in front of her and looked into his blue eyes.

"You're not always that easily impressed are you?" MJ muttered, and Luke shook his head.

"No. I'm not. Now anyway...I came here to talk to you about a few things. First of all...the other night...those weapons...what were they? I've never seen anything like them before." Luke started and MJ rolled her eyes.

"Those? They're called guns, Skywalker. Formally known as the firearm. The standard weapon on this planet. Rather than shooting a plasma bolt, they fire a solid projectile, which travels much, much faster. The one you saw last night was a Glock 17."

"How come I've never heard of such a weapon before?" Soon, MJ found herself explaining the whole history of the gun, right back to the invention of gunpowder in China. Luke listened intently, genuinely interested as this was important if he got into another fight on the planet. Lightsabers weren't a vey effective counter for them.

"Get it now, Skywalker? Simple design, in use for years." MJ finally finished, and Luke nodded.

"Yes. Thank you."

"Now was there anything else you wanted to talk to me about?" MJ asked as they finished off their unhealthy lunch, and dumped the remains into the garbage.

"Yes, I was hoping you could show me around the city. Perhaps tell me a bit about this planet's history, if you don't mind." Luke requested and she shook her head.

"No, I have to get back to the reception and Mickey will kill me if I'm absent." MJ warned him, but Luke smiled warmly.

"That's why the force blessed me with mind tricks. Apparently you got a sandwich from a vending machine and never left the Villa." MJ couldn't help but laugh. He was too good.

"Alright then, I guess it's a yes." MJ agreed and walked beside him as they went out to their Landspeeder, which was parked in the car park as if it was a normal car.

For the rest of the day, MJ took him on a tour of the whole Orlando area. They visited each an every one of the Disney parks, and she explained the significance of each film referenced with a ride or display, along with the history of the company, from _Snow White _in 1937, to the modern Disney-Pixar blockbusters. They also visited the zoo and Sea World, where Luke was first introduced to the global wildlife, both land and marine. MJ also directed him to Universal Studios, where they looked at all the other great films of history, and Luke was introduced to other iconic Science Fiction franchises such as _2001: A Space Odyssey, Aliens, Star Trek _and _Jurassic Park. _

Then there was the museums, and the Kennedy Space Center. Luke got his first glimpse of Earth's primitive space travel technology, and made him feel that he often took for granted the space tech he possessed. The tour to the museum was also unforgettable. He knew nothing of this planet's history, and as they left, MJ found herself explaining it to him.

She told him about the dawn of humankind, with the Stone Age, the Ancient Egyptian Society, the life of Jesus Christ and the reign and dominance of the great Roman Empire. Luke had never been so interested in a planet's background in his entire life. In terms of interesting events happening, this sure beat Tatooine.

He learned about the medieval ages and customs, before the dramatic change when the Renaissance came about. He noted the dramatic boom in technology as the Industrial Revolution came about in the late 1800s, and thought that this planet needs more of those to catch up with the rest of the galaxy. Then came the brutal First World War, which introduced death to the planet's history on a scale it had never before seen. But that was nowhere near as shocking as what came next.

MJ told luke about the rise of Adolf Hitler and the Nazis in the 1930s/40s and similarities to his own galaxy's history seemed to pop up everywhere. The way the evil man took power was all to similar to the way the Emperor did. The granting of emergency powers, the 'Stormtroopers' or SA, the merging of power and last but certainly not least, the Night of the long Knives and the Extermination of the Jewish people, which drew such a close resemblance to Order 66 and the extermination of the Jedi. And then there were all the similar policies. Because of this man, the planet was almost consumed by war. And the atrocities committed during that time would stay in Luke's head long after he was told about them.

Why was Emperor Palpatine so similar to the Nazi Dictator? Why did everything he had done seem to have some sort of equivalent on this planet? Luke shook off the thoughts as MJ continued. She moved on to the bitter disagreement between the USA and Soviet Union, and told stories of the Vietnam War and later the 1980s, where she talked about more positive influences on society like John Lennon or Michael Jackson. Soon they were at the present day, with tensions soaring on the Korean Peninsula.

Luke found it hard to believe everything he had heard. How did one planet have so many stories to tell? How did one race achieve this level of technology from scratch? This one planet seemed to have a more interesting and detailed past than his whole galaxy put together, minus his whole ordeal of course.

And as he drove around the city with MJ, the odd feeling he had about her only seemed to grow. She was supposed to be a minimum wage full-time worker, yet she seemed so oddly educated. And strong with the force unknowingly.

As the gravity between them grew, and Luke felt them growing closer and closer, he also felt more and more alienated. _Hah! Alienated...Star Wars...I see what I did there, Luke you comedian. _He started to get the feeling he was being lied to. She was not who she seemed she was. All he knew about her was her name and that she came from a rough background...as a matter of fact he didn't even know her real name. Yet he was so attracted to her.

Suddenly, he felt his datapad beep in his pocket. He quickly pulled it out as they walked back to the Landspeeder, and saw the cause of the beep. It was a message from R2. He had found a small history on firearms like he had asked him earlier, and also another file labelled _Receptionist, thought you should know. _Luke opened the file, and found a profile. MJ's face was there, along with the CIA logo. It read:

_MARIA JAYDE WINTER._

* * *

**Well a whole lot of AN for not a lot of actual events. But we're starting to get the idea that there's something about MJ that's not quite right, aren't we? Next chapter will be much more important to the plot. It will be titled: _An Icon Falls. _I guess I can't really complain in the review department. We've restored and gone beyond this story's former glory.**

**This has been JJZ-109, and as always...Have a nice day.**


	11. An Icon Falls

**Sorry about the incredible wait period, I was absolutely bombarded with work and couldn't even think about writing this, so here you go. I also have another 2 weeks off so I should be able to get some more updates done in that time. Also, I am going to remind you that I am parodying several scenes from both Star Wars and Disney films, so I don't want anyone bitching about copyright infringements. That includes you, Mr. Lucas. Please don't sue me. I don't have that much money.**

**Haradion: You'll see...**

**QueenNaberrie: Yes I can imagine it. Because I've seen it before. Look up 'Star Wars weekends' at Disney world. You may even see him dancing to Michael Jackson.**

**His Majesty the Emperor: Well, I know a lot of people liked the Clone Wars, but I didn't. Especially the movie. The old one alright though, the one that looked like Samurai Jack. That bridged the stories superbly. I was looking forward to 1313, being an avid gamer. Anyway, can't be bothered replying to all your theories. But here you go.**

**Lord Destroyer: Yeah, I guess we can drop the lightsaber thing. I still reckon the best lightsabers money can buy are colored pool noodles. I've actually had so much fun as a child with those. And with the Hitler/Emperor thing, that was the first thing I noticed when studying Hitler. Everything about them is identical. You could say Heinrich Himmler is the equivalent of Vader, an 'apprentice'. By the way there is no way blaster bolts travel at the speed of light, not a chance in hell. I look at it like this. You have time to block a blaster bolt. But no time to even flinch with a bullet. (Which go up to 24x the speed of sound btw)**

**hop. : Thanks mate, and no, MJ is the only EU character I'm bringing in. But even she isn't exactly the canon version...**

**insert name here please: Well then you are obviously not a very effective nerd. YOU look it up on Wookiepedia. The T-16 is the Skyhopper, the T-65 is and has always been the X-Wing. **

**Cheers: JJZ-109**

* * *

**CHAPTER 11. AN ICON FALLS**

_CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY_

_MARIA JAYDE WINTER_

_D.O.B: 25/5/1983_

_PLACE OF BIRTH: TEXAS, EXACT TOWN UNKNOWN_

_HEIGHT: 5'7_

_WEIGHT: 121 lbs_

_EYE COLOR: GREEN_

_HAIR COLOR: RED/BROWN_

_STATUS: UNKNOWN, WARRANT FOR ARREST_

_Subject Maria Jayde Winter was a former farm-girl in Texas, capable of operating crop-dusting piston-engine aircraft and several types of firearms. Well known amongst locals for an extremely aggressive personality and highly unpredictable nature. Arrested by police in April 2005 on charges of manslaughter, whereby during a brawl at a local bar, the subject 'choked drunken patron without touching him' as quoted from the bar owner. According to a variety of sources, this was not the first known example of strange, almost supernatural abilities Winter possessed. _

_Noticed by the Central Intelligence Agency for the 'remarkable abilities', and criminal record erased. Reports read the subject committed suicide while in custody. Following this, all records were erased and subject was given the new cover identity: Mara Jade._

_Trained in combat in 2006 and sent on several deep cover operations in the middle east. Despite being described as 'emotionally unstable' the experiment worked flawlessly. Became the most effective field worker in the Agency, with again an almost supernatural sense of sniffing out trouble. In May 2011, subject was assigned to US Navy SEAL Team 6 after tracking down known Terrorist Osama bin Laden, and several other successful assassinations. Subject is officially credited with killing bin Laden, and earned the nickname: 'The President's Hand'._

_Sent on further deep cover operations in North Korea during March 2012. It is confirmed that she was discovered, and overpowered. Believed killed until February 12th, 2013 when she was arrested in Beijing, China. Her supposed 'escape' from the DPRK and the date of its Nuclear Test have been deemed too coincidental. Sent back to the USA days later, but escaped custody, killing several American Soldiers in the process wielding what has been described as 'glowing blue sword'. Subject is still at large in the USA and is considered a threat to national security, extremely dangerous and possibly compromised by the DPRK._

_Warrant for Arrest issued on February 26th, 2013. Last seen in Miami, Florida. Wanted by CIA, FBI, MI6 and Interpol. Authorities strongly cautioned._

_Case Status: CLASSIFIED._

Luke switched off the datapad, and slowly looked around at MJ, who was sitting in the Landspeeder next to him, staring out the side. As if she sensed his gaze on her, she turned around to look him into the eyes. Throughout the day the strange connection between them had grown, and grown from what seemed like a simple affection, to something a bit more meaningful. For both of them now. MJ thought she had finally found a nice man that understood her. But now, Luke understood a bit _too _well.

A warm smile extended across her face as she watched Luke stare at her. For some reason something seemed wrong. She put a gentle hand on his cheek.

"Baby, what's the matter?"

"Baby? I'm pretty sure I'm an adult." Luke said dryly, not smiling in response this time.

"No, no, no space-boy. It's what we say when we...ugh...never mind. Just figurative speech on this planet." MJ rolled her eyes and tried to evoke another smile from him. But that didn't seem to work anymore.

"And I'm assuming 'MJ' is figurative speech for 'Maria Jayde Winter' on this planet as well?" Luke ventured, ready to spring into action at any second. She was strong with the force alright, the CIA report confirmed that. And whether she was armed was a completely new story.

At the mention of her name, MJ's head snapped around in surprise; gaping at him. The sweet, warm smile completely washed away. Luke stared at her solemnly, waiting for a response.

The smile then reappeared. But not like before. It was more or less the same smile, but something etched into her eyes made it all the more sinister. The emerald gaze cut through Luke like a lightsaber, but he held his ground; not blinking. His connection with the living force was then completely channeled, as if somewhere in his head a switch had been flicked from Wise Jedi to Combat Jedi. All his energy was being bottled up, waiting to spring like an elastic band. All of his focus had shifted.

_Meanwhile..._

Vader sprinted as fast as his extremely heavy metal suit would carry him. Whatever advantage the mechanical legs had given him, had been taken away by his impaired breathing. _Whoosh-ah, whoosh-ah, whoosh-ah!_ The fangirls chased relentlessly, not even bothered by all the signs warning of prosecution of intruders to the Disney Business complex.

"_You're such a bad boy!"_

"_You were so hot Ani'! Pleease take off the mask."_

"_Sign my lightsaber!"_

"_Sign my shirt!"_

"_Sign my boob!"_

Vader shook his head at some of the things being yelled and kept running. _Low lifes...Damn it Luke! What did I ever do to you? Wait...don't answer that. _He skillfully used the force to open a sliding door, and charged through without looking back. Wasting no time, he then spun around and shut the sliding door as quickly as possible, and used the force to engage the security lock.

The doors slid shut just as the fangirls reached the door, and started pounding on the glass relentlessly. They also shoved each other out of the way just to get a glimpse at their favorite villain. It was chaos out there.

"Animals." Vader growled, getting his 'breath' back.

Straightening his cape, he strolled over to the elevator and pressed the 'up' button casually. He twiddled his fingers as he waited, but the soothing silence was suddenly interrupted.

_THUMP! _Vader turned to see the Star Wars girls throwing themselves at the thick glass, trying to break it. Wait, were they even Star Wars fans being thrown? Vader looked closely as he watched the bodies slam into the glass, and simultaneously spammed the 'up' button with his left hand, knowing they would break through any second soon. He saw the emblem on the supposedly inferior fangirls (the ones that were being thrown to smash the glass) and recognized it as the Star Trek one. It was Star Trek fangirls being thrown.

_Well, at least it serves to show the Star Wars fangirls' superiority..._ Vader thought, and intensified his spamming of the up button. _DING! _To Vader's relief, the doors finally slid open. He slipped through as soon as the gap in the doors was big enough. Suddenly: _SMASH! _The glass sliding door shattered and the girls flooded through, stumbling towards him.

Vader quickly hit the 38th floor button and muttered to himself as the doors slid shut painfully slowly. _Come on hurry up...hurry up..._It was almost too late. The girls stuck their arms through the gap and flailed them at him. He quickly swatted them back, hoping the elevator would go some time soon. One fan even stuck her head through.

"Please take the mask off! So I can see your face, and your eyes..." The fangirl said in a dreamy tone.

Vader just placed his palm on her forehead, and pushed. Her head edged backwards, and removed the obstruction in the elevator doorway. Finally, the doors shut and the elevator started to move. Vader let out a long whoosh in relief.

"Take your makeup off, you tween try-hard fanatic." Vader grumbled in response to the request from before.

After a while of waiting, the doors finally slid open, revealing a grand boardroom; probably used the by the heads of the Disney Corporation. There were several posters and artifacts on the wall, as well as the statue of Walt Disney himself. The office chairs were all black leather and quite expensive looking, and surrounded a huge redwood board table. One larger chair at the back was swiveled around to face the opposite way.

"Ah, Mr. Iger, is that you?" Vader asked out loud, to no response.

Suddenly he felt a strange, dark feeling of unease. Something was very, very wrong.

"Luke?" No, Vader would have sensed it if it were Luke.

The room was eerily silent, not like the soothing silence in contrast to the screaming fangirls, but a silence that brought out whatever fear was left in him.

Slowly, the chair swiveled around to face him, revealing the Emperor. Inside his concealing black mask, Vader rolled his eyes. _What is he doing here?_

"How you will wish it _was_ Luke. How _he _will wish he was here..." The Emperor said sinisterly, half talking to himself and to Vader.

"What are you doing here master?"

"I'm here to complete one of the most important stages in my plan. My new apprentice should be arriving soon." The Emperor said, and turned to face him with an evil smile.

"What are you talking about, 'new apprentice'? That was never in..." It suddenly dawned on Vader what was going on.

Now that he thought about it, he wasn't present for most of the Emperor's planning. He was getting old, and his condition wasn't helping. And the way that the Emperor had been watching over Mickey beforehand...

"There can only be two, Lord Vader. A master and an apprentice. Unfortunately you no longer fit either of those categories." The Emperor continued and drew back his hood for the first time in years.

_ZZZEW! _On instinct, Vader ignited his crimson bladed lightsaber and held it out in front of him with one hand.

"You...you're here to kill me." Vader stammered and started circling his master cautiously.

"You never were a bright one, were you? I guess you were blond back in the day...Yes. You are here to die. I did want my new apprentice to have the honor, but it looks like he won't make it." Palpatine said, looking at the Rolex watch he had mind-tricked a jewelry salesman into letting him have for free.

"Deceitful snake..." Vader said and readied for the imminent battle.

_ZZZEW! _Palpatine drew his own lightsaber, and held it in an aggressive stance.

"I see your Schwartz is as big as mine..." Palpatine mused, and Vader shook his head.

"That joke is old." Those were the last words said before the two were plunged into an intense duel.

_CRACK!_ Palpatine sent a blow humming down from above, which Vader parried skillfully and quickly deflected a similarly swift one aimed at his legs. _ZAP! _He was about to send his own strike screaming into his master-turned-enemy, but Palpatine somersaulted over him and straight at his back while he was off-guard. Using the force as guidance, Vader swung his blade behind his back and knocked it off course before it could touch him.

_**(Duel of the Fates theme)**_

Spinning around, Vader turned quickly and engaged in a blindingly fast set of neutral strikes and blows with Palpatine, sending swirls of red light across the room. They then both simultaneously sent an upper strike at each other, with the blades crashing together with an ear splitting _ZOW!. _With the two Sith lords locked in a stalemate as they engaged in a battle of strength, they took a moment to look into each other's eyes as the lightsabers hissed in strain. Palpatine snarled, while Vader frowned underneath the mask.

The arm wrestle was one that Vader was winning, due to his younger age and mechanical arms. He was slowly starting to force the blade back towards this opponent, and Palpatine knew it. So he resorted to (somehow) the most effective combat move in Disney cartoon history. He stamped down on Vader's foot.

"_YEOW!" _Vader cried out in pain in a voice that seemed far too high-pitched to be his own, and leapt back in pain.

"Ah my apprentice, Rule number one of cartoon combat: standing on someone's foot is really painful."

They then plunged back into combat again, exchanging a rapid series of blows. An errant blow from the Emperor completely burnt Iger's expensive desk lamp in half. Vader took another swing, which the Emperor skillfully ducked. _This ends now. You have failed master. _Vader grabbed hold of the old man's lightsaber-wielding wrist, kneed him in the jaw so he was knocked flat against the floor, and swung his blade down at his face. _ZZEW! CRACK! _All of a sudden it was intercepted by yet another red blade. _Wait, what?_

Palpatine held a second lightsaber in his hand, but where did it come from? He then kicked Vader back, which sent him flying backwards.

"You should've watched your Clone Wars, Vader." Palpatine told him, cackling.

"I'd rather watch Jar Jar Binks stand up comedy than that garbage." Vader hissed.

"And this is rule number two of cartoon combat: no matter how large, you can fit an object of any size in your pocket." Palpatine informed him before starting a storm of strikes at his old apprentice.

Strike after strike. Left, right, left, right, left...The Emperor swung a maelstrom of blows in the Jar' Kai form, which Vader had little practice fighting against. He couldn't even manage to get an aggressive move in; they were all blocks and parries. Finally he struck a lucky blow and cut off the blade emitter of the second of Palpatine's lightsabers. There was some electronic fizzling, and the half-saber was quickly tossed aside.

The two duelists were soon drawn to a large glass window, which overlooked the business complex 37 stories below. They both looked at each other, looked at the window and back at each other again. The same idea was going through both of their minds, or more like a flashback.

"Oh no you don't..." Too late. Palpatine smashed the glass open with the force, sending shards everywhere.

Vader stumbled initially, and was too late for the lightning. His whole body was suddenly elevated off the ground while he was zapped for some reason, before he finally managed to get his lightsaber in the way of the electric stream. The lightning stopped, and for some reason left his body completely blackened rather than hurt and a comically small column of smoke rose from above his head. He shook off the 'ash' and continued fighting Palpatine, unaware of the immense drop just to his left.

"Rule number three of cartoon combat: lightning and large explosions only seem to turn the victim to soot and make him smoke a little, rather than actually damaging them." It was Vader's turn to pronounce the rules.

After the series of seemingly repetitive strike patterns, Vader finally found an opening...He kicked the lightsaber out of Palpatine's hand and it rolled across the room. The Emperor only managed to look up at his former apprentice in a mixture of shock and fear as he was knocked down by Vader's fist and sent crawling back against the wall.

"Your deceit and betrayal has finally come to an end...By the way I read about how you lied to me about Padmè, and everything else...It ends now." Vader proclaimed, holding the lightsaber to his master's throat. Vader raised the lightsaber, preparing to crash it down onto Palpatine's body when suddenly a voice interrupted them.

"Oh gosh...what happened in here? Oh boy! What are you guys doing?" It was Mickey, he had just walked into the trashed boardroom, and Palpatine's lightsaber was at it his feet. He looked down to see it just as he felt his foot touch it. He picked it up and walked over to them with a frown.

"Aw shucks guys, this isn't right! I got your message Mr. Palpatine so I came here to see you like you wanted...But you can't be fighting!" Mickeys said and put his head in his hands.

Acting helpless, The Emperor turned to look at him desperately. _My time to shine._

"Mickey, I was right! The heroes are breaking away! They are trying to take over the corporation!" The Emperor gasped, and Vader snapped his head around to look at him.

"What? That's crap! DO NOT believe him! I am ending this monster once and for all!" Vader argued and looked back at his new enemy.

"It's people like him! They are trying to revive the prequel style over-the-top CGI action violence; the joys of Disney will be lost forever! Kids will now be brainwashed to become mindless killers!" The Emperor kept on.

"Well I don't want any folks gettin' killed..." Mickey said, fighting the darkness within him as well as the childishness. He didn't know what to choose.

"He's too dangerous to be kept alive!" Vader yelled, and pulled his arm back so he could deliver the finishing blow.

"Please don't let him kill me! I have the power to restore the Disney from the 1980s and 90s!" Palpatine begged one last time, before shutting his eyes, waiting for the searing hot blade to tear through him.

That last offer seemed to get straight to Mickey's heart. That was exactly what he wanted. The Disney of the 1980/90s. To see his glorious company in full bloom yet again...as opposed to the current dark days of computer generated animation and money-milking sequels. He couldn't let this man die, whatever the cost. Deep down he knew that the Emperor could do everything that he was promising. Mickey was caught in anguish as Vader's blade came crashing down Palpatine...It was then he decided. He had to do something.

"_NO!" _Mickey cried and as if possessed by some power he didn't know he had, Palpatine lightsaber flew into his hand like a magnet and ignited as soon as it hit him. _ZZEW! _

Acting on impulse, with adrenaline flowing through his veins, he swung the seemingly weightless blade at Vader, and severed off his forearm, making it and his lightsaber tumble out the window and down the massive drop.

"AH!" Vader cried, and clutched the severed metal stump.

Palpatine's frightened expression swiftly transformed into a sinister, and motivated one. He extended his hands out in front of him, before screaming out just as the lightning started...

"MONEY! UNLIMITED...MONEY!" Palpatine screamed out, and Vader's body was launched out the window. "Wait...what?"

Instead of falling, Vader just seemed to float on the spot as the lightning fizzled out and his body stopped shaking. He was just...standing on mid-air. Palpatine raised an eyebrow, but soon realized what was happening.

"Oh Yes...Rule number four of cartoon combat: Gravity doesn't affect you until you look down..."

As if on cue, Vader looked down at the massive drop below him, looked back at his new two enemies, blinked twice, before holding up a small sign that read _Help! _and plunging to his death, whistling loudly as he fell.

"Ah..." Palpatine sighed in relief, and gingerly got to his feet.

Mickey was on his knees, half-weeping at the horror.

"W-what have I d-done?" Mickey stuttered.

"You did well, Mickey." Palpatine assured him, and gently lifted his chin up so Mickey could face him.

He had succeeded. One of the world's most well known icons had fallen to darkness. Seduced by the deceitful temptation of the dark side of the force.

Instead of the usual brown, his eyes were now a hellish shade of amber.

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**Well fuck that was long. Half serious...half comical. Hope you guys enjoyed. Next chapter: little bit of MJ action. And beyond. Anyway, let's see an improved review effort eh? **

**This has been JJZ-109 and as always...Have a nice day.**


	12. Darth Rodentia

**Well here is a new chapter brought in comparatively quick succession to the last. I thought this was a concept many people might enjoy. I always thought "That'd be funny", now here it is. THIS IS A SONG CHAPTER. But its not a Disney song, unlike the rest (and to come). BTW, the name 'Darth Rodentia' was created by Lord Destroyer when raving in a review. Sorry about using it mate, its just so effective :) By the way, for all the Disney fans reading this that don't know an awful lot about Star Wars, this does not reflect the atmosphere of it. It is MUCH more serious than what I'm portraying. Anyway, hope you enjoy. **

**Lord Destroyer: 1st of all, sorry for knicking the name you mentioned. It was too good. And force sensitives are spread all over the universe...Just not an awful lot where we come from. And MJ's a clever lass, she'd figure it out...More about MJ's past will be revealed later. She won't have any affiliation with the Emperor. BTW you're the only person to catch the reference :)**

**A. Zap: Yep, I'm pretty stereotypical and narrow-minded. But hey, all Australians are like that.**

**Scarstorm2000: Vader is far from untouchable, trust me. Watch the rest of the movies. And nah, MJ's good. Well sort of...in terms of light-side/dark-side. But a bit rough around the edges...**

**MS-16 Z Jager: Cheers mate.**

**rebekinha90: Glad you seem to like it. **

**Cheers: JJZ-109**

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**CHAPTER 12. DARTH RODENTIA**

"You can bring back classic Disney? I'll do anything...anything...please..." Mickey begged, he was already on his knees from sobbing. He had taken a life for the first time not ten seconds ago. Something he had sworn never to do. And it had been the life of one of his own characters! A 4.05 billion dollar one at that. Feelings of grief and anger flowed through him as he contemplated what had just happened.

"The film quality from that era was only achieved once...but if we work _together_...we can revive it, I'm sure." Palpatine confirmed in his usual croaky voice.

Mickey then straightened himself to kneel at Palpatine's feet in more respectful manner than previously before. He looked the old, wrinkled Sith Lord straight in the eyes with a renewed look of motivation.

"I pledge myself to your teachings." Mickey growled in an unusually aggressive voice. A small smile appeared in the corners of Palpatine's mouth.

"Good...Your hatred has finally taken control. In time you will learn to rid of those sickeningly childish emotions that plague you. I can feel your anger...release it! It has been bottled up for too long." Palpatine ordered him, and a snarl appeared on Mickey's face, but due to the fact that he was a kids' cartoon character it looked almost comical.

"Ugh...We can work on that." Palpatine cringed, and watched contently as the amber glow from his eyes intensified.

"From this point forward you shall be known as Darth..." Palpatine thought for a moment. "..._Rodentia."_

"Thank you...master." Mickey said solemnly.

"Lord Rodentia...Rise." Palpatine ordered him.

Mickey did so, and straightened his little red shorts when he got to his feet. Palpatine paced over to the smashed window and looked out over Disney World. The foundations of his new Empire. The foundations his new super-weapon. He cleared his throat and spoke without turning to face his new apprentice.

"You want control over the film industry again, yes?"

"Yes master."

"Good. It starts by control of the planet. We control the planet, we control the media. It's that simple. Once control is ours, then we shall have peace...and money." Palpatine told him and turned back around to look at him.

"Peace?"

"This planet is constantly at war with itself. Every single bit of death and evil shall be flushed away once we have power. Only one thing stands in our way from achieving this..."

"The United States." They both said at the same time. The only country that could stop them. And the country that produced the majority of competitor films. The country that believed in ammunition rather than negotiation, which was something Mickey always wanted to stop. Now he finally could.

"This wretched nation will finally come to an end when the weapon, and your training...are complete."

"What weapon are you talking about?" Mickey asked.

"A super-laser. One that has the capacity to destroy an entire country, and later on...the planet." Palpatine told him sinisterly.

"But the original two Death Stars took years to build!" Mickey protested.

"We are already working my apprentice. But we are also receiving a bit of help from another nation, which also wants to destroy America. A little bit of cash. And as of tonight, the transport ships will be sent back to Coruscant to pick up the parts and materials we need. It should be ready in two weeks."

"Very good, my master." Mickey stood beside his master as they discussed the future. "But what shall I do now?"

"First, I want you to go back to the main castle. Await me there. Then you shall receive proper lightsaber handling training along with a few other chosen individuals. However, you are still the chosen one. Do not mistake me there. You are strong with the dark side...I can feel it-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You already gave the dark creepy monologue." Mickey interrupted him.

He made towards the door, his eyes burning amber and a poisonous scowl etched across his face. Palpatine turned to call out after him.

"And you can keep the lightsaber you borrowed. It shall now be your life and your power."

"But isn't this a rare Electorum metal lightsaber? Only produced on the Si-" Mickey protested but was quickly cut off.

"No, no. Read down near the power cell."

_MADE IN CHINA. _Mickey rolled his eyes. He shouldn't have gotten his hopes up. Better than nothing, though.

"So I keep it?" Mickey asked excitedly.

"Yes."

"Well hot dog...err...I mean..._Good..._" Mickey quickly corrected himself, putting on his best Sith lord voice. That would be something he'd also have to learn to do.

"Prepare yourself my apprentice, we strike tonight."

_Slightly Earlier, Miami Beach Parking lot, Florida._

After a whole day of traveling around the state of Florida, a whole day of learning and absorbing both the American and Galactic Republic culture, and a whole day of understanding and growing closer and closer together. They had felt a strange connection ever since they had laid eyes on each other, and despite denials, arguments and bickering it wouldn't be a far fetched statement to call it a bit more than a deep fondness or affection. On the whole journey it had been many a time that their hands had touched, and they'd only grow closer. Just when Luke thought he had finally found the one, he had been shaken with the truth when R2 hacked into the CIA.

Luke wouldn't call the bond destroyed just yet. All he wanted was the truth from MJ now. But that might be a little harder to extract than normal. He could sense from the moment he met MJ that the force was strong with her, and made nothing of it. Alarm bells were now ringing in his head as he saw MJ's unusually evil looking smile. His mind and body were now at 'DEFCON 1' so to speak.

"Excuse me?" MJ raised an eyebrow, the sinister (yet somehow sweet) smile persisting.

"Well MJ, a.k.a Maria, 'Mara Jade', 'The President's Hand', 'Red Baroness', I take it there are some details you are keeping from me." With each alias mentioned, MJ's face became redder and redder.

As Luke kept a straight, solemn face MJ turned away in shock. She seemed to think for a moment, before turning back around with a new, vicious gaze.

"You always were a bit inquisitive Jedi." She snarled, and with a flick of her hand, Luke's hood flew up and was pulled down over his face. Luke scrambled to rid of it, and when he had finally pulled it off his face, MJ was completely gone.

The landspeeder seat was empty, and people were still casually walking by and eyeing down the odd vehicle. Luke shook his head. _Oh no you don't._

Meanwhile, fueled adrenaline, MJ sprinted down the crowded pathway opposite the beach. The force guided her from bumping into the odd civilian with an ice cream, but one thing it couldn't guide her away from was another more experienced force user. Panting, she looked back over her shoulder to see if she was being followed. From the looks of it; nobody was tailing her. Just normal beach goers. She was running into a large cobblestone piazza beside the beach, where there were several cafes, food stands, tables and chairs as well as a large stage/sound system set up at the back.

Relieved, she turned her head back around in the direction she was going. Instantly she skidded to a halt, and almost ran straight into Luke, who had seemingly materialized in front of her while her head was turned.

"So you like to run from the truth?" MJ made to run the other way, but an invisible grip turned her back around to look Luke in the eyes. Luke held her arm tightly and stared her down.

"So Maria, or do you prefer Mara?"

"Mara. And let's not do this right now, you wouldn't want the population to see you get your ass kicked by a girl, would you?"

"I don't want to fight you MJ. I don't care if you work for America, North Korea or damn Coruscant, I like you for who you are. You may have put on the whole sweet act, but I can see deeper than that. All I want from you is the truth." Luke told her calmingly, and she seemed to hesitate for a moment, before the angered and desperate face returned.

"I'm touched, I really am. I could tell you the truth, but then I'd have to kill you." MJ retorted.

"I doubt you'd kill me." MJ seem to be struck by the arrogant remark. The frown then became even more vicious. But that wasn't the way Luke meant it.

Her arm snapped away from his, and she backed away a little. Luke didn't try to stop her. He raised an eyebrow as she stripped off her Disney Staff shirt, revealing a black latex tank top. She then seemingly tore away the skirt, revealing tight nylon black pants topped off by a utility belt complete with an elegant chrome hilt lightsaber, and twin .44 Magnum pistols attached to each hip. She then brushed her hair out of her face as the lightsaber flew into her awaiting hand. _ZZEW! _The blue blade extended out in front of her.

Luke ignited his own green blade, and contemplated his options for a moment. There was now way he would hurt MJ, especially in front of so many people. There must be a way to disguise this 'fight'. Suddenly it hit him. MJ wouldn't like it, though. The opening riff from a song ran out from the entertainment stage, and they had already found themselves in the middle of the empty area before it, the designated 'dance floor'.

"Prepare to eat your words space-boy." Luke rolled his eyes. He didn't doubt his abilities against her. He was a trained Jedi, she was merely just a force sensitive that had figured a few tricks out and built a cheap lightsaber. The key was disguising and defusing the fight.

Luke chuckled as he recognized the song. With his free hand, he snapped his fingers twice in front of him, before crying out:

"_You knock me off of my feet now baby, OOH!"_

_**(The Way You Make Me Feel Riff)**_

Luke then proceeded to spin his lightsaber all around him in time with the riff, doing tricks and twirls with both his body and lightsaber. As much as MJ was impressed with the saber skills, she couldn't help but think: _What the..._

_You know what, screw it._

She sent her blue blade crashing down from above Luke, which he parried skillfully, and gently, force-pushed her back a couple meters. They continued to circle each other, with their eyes locked on each other.

"_Hey pretty baby with the high heels on..."_

"_You give me fever like I've never, ever known." _With the drum strike at the end of the line, their lightsabers clashed again, grinding against each other in front of their faces.

MJ had her teeth grit and was snarling, while Luke was smiling and singing. Deep down, she couldn't help but feel charmed.

"_You're just a product of loveliness..."_

" _I like the groove of your walk, your talk, your dress!"_

With the last three parts of the line sung in quick succession, Luke struck a quick series of blocks and light strikes to keep time. He then force-leapt over MJ, and if he was serious about ending the fight there and then, he could have sliced her in half. But instead he gently grabbed her lightsaber wielding wrist and pulled her close. He put the other hand on her waist, and retracted his saber for a brief moment. She struggled initially, but gave in half-heartedly. In a waltz like pose with her, he stepped forward and backward with his left leg, and MJ was forced to do the same. Making eye contact with her again, he kept singing.

"_I feel your fever from miles around..."_

"_I'll pick you up in my speeder and we'll paint the town!"_

At the end of the second line,he pulled her arm up above her and twirled her around, creating a beautiful flashing blue pattern from her spinning lightsaber. He then let go of her hand and she backed away a little, a little uncertain. She was more embarrassed than enraged now.

"What are you doing?" She asked him above the band.

"Dueling." He said before continuing.

"_Just kiss me baby and tell me twice..." _MJ was caught between lashing out in a blistering storm of lightsaber combat and blushing.

"_That you're the one for me (THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL!)"_

"_The way you make me feel!" _The half dance, half duel continued in an odd fusion of lightsaber combat and music being conducted by Luke.

"_You really turn me on! (You really turn me on!)"_

"_You knock me off my feet! (You knock me off my feet)" _With this, Luke found a gap in her defense and put a hand behind her back, before sweeping her off her feet, and doing an elegant dip, before pulling her back up again.

"_My lonely days are gone. (My lonely days are gone)"_

Flustered, MJ tried harder and harder, slashing more aggressively. But no matter what she seemed to come up with, Luke was just too experienced and blocked the blow, and somehow managed to keep it in time with the music. All eyes in the square were on them now as they 'performed'. As much as she wanted to slash Luke one, she deep down sort of liked this whole act. There didn't seem to be a way trough Luke's defense, and if he really did mean what he said before, then he may not actually be that bad. She slowly, (and to her own dismay) found herself going along with it. The hopeless duel continued as the song played out.

"_I like the feeling you're giving me..."_

"_Just hold me baby and I'm in ecstasy!"_

"_Oh I'll be workin' from 9 to 5..."_

"_To buy you things to keep you by my side!"_

"_I've never felt so in love before..."_

"_Just promise baby, you'll love me forevermore!"_

"_I swear I'm keeping you satisfied...'Cause you're the one for me (THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL!)"_

"_The way you make me feel!"_

With this, Luke gently knocked MJ back and used the force two summon a rose from the garden bed surrounding the square. He caught in his mouth but continued nonetheless.

"_You really turn me on! (You really turn me on)"_

"_You knock me off my feet! (You knock me off my feet)"_

"_My lonely days are gone! (My lonely days are gone)"_

In a grand finale, the band re-sung the chorus once more, getting the audience involved as well. The bystanders were now clapping with the beat as they watched this couple with these blue and green illuminated sticks dance before them impressively. MJ had finally given in now. Luke had beaten her in combat, but had also won her over. She now fully participated in swinging the lightsaber forward and back so the impact crack would go along with the beat. A submissive yet charmed smile was across her face now, as she found herself starting to enjoy it.

"_THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL!" _The band sung one last time, before the song came to an end.

Luke pounced on the opportunity.

He swept MJ off her feet, and without giving her any warning, thrust his head forward, shut his eyes and locked lips with her. She squirmed and struggled initially, but soon found herself kissing back. _How dare the Jedi son of a...ooh... _Both their blades retracted as soon as MJ shut her eyes.

The crowd bust into screams and cheers, more so for Luke and MJ rather than the band. _"WAY TO GO PAL!" _One married man yelled out, triggering a host of laughs.

MJ finally pulled away, with her eyes still locked on Luke. _Well that escalated quickly... _He smiled at her and she found herself uncontrollably blushing. Snapping out of it quickly, she stood up straight and dusted herself off. _So much for kicking his ass._

"So that's what Yoda taught you?"

"Nah, I inherited that from my dad. Well when he was young at least..."

They both laughed a little, when suddenly Luke felt a strange feeling of dread. It was unmistakable with all the positive energy and emotions currently around him. He touched his heart in shock. The tremor in the force was unmistakable. It was the feeling of death, but who?

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**Any good? Funny enough scene there? I'm glad this was executed so well. As I know how picky Star Wars fans are...and the fact this has worked to make fun of a real life situation which nerds resent gives me a sense of accomplishment. Leave us some feedback!**

**This has been JJZ-109, and as always...Have a nice day.**


	13. The Disneyland March

**Here is another update, and a few famous references in this one. Glad to see that people are enjoying this. It is pretty fun to write. Anyway, who's glad I'm getting my act together with the updates? This chapter is semi-sad, but makes fun of it as well. Like all my supposed serious scenes. And yes, Mickey's turn was taken from EIII. Many references will be made in this story.**

**laureas: Thanks for all the feedback. And all prequel characters will probably be left out of this, except maybe Jar Jar. So he can be brutally murdered.**

**His Majesty the Emperor: Yes that happens too, but that would undermine what I'm trying to do. And you'll see how bullets tie in later on...The sequels shouldn't blow anything. At least I would hope not...**

**Lord Destroyer: All Star Wars comedies have a Spaceballs reference in there somewhere. And all good ones parody famous scenes.**

**Daughter of the North: Read further. Those women were chosen for a reason.**

**Brilliant Brunette Beauty: Cheers for that. A lot of people in this story slowly become famous things...And the ending won't exactly be like that, I've got something in mind that is very exciting, don't worry about that.**

**Cheers: JJZ-109**

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**CHAPTER 13. THE DISNEYLAND MARCH**

Luke, with a new focused and worried expression looked around him. He still gripped MJ tight in his arms, and she started to get a bit uncomfortable. This Jedi was her weakness. He was too much for her, he was much stronger in the force and much more skilled, he had found her out in a matter of hours, and there was something about him that she couldn't just understand. When he forcibly kissed her before, even though she was frustrated after a futile attempt to beat him in a duel, she found herself kissing back. _Ah, it's just a spur of the moment thing. It WILL NOT happen again. _Whatever emotion he had dug up she would have to re-bury, and make sure it stayed buried. She couldn't let him blow it for her, whatever the cost...

"Ok, Space-boy...you can let me go now." She muttered and Luke let her go alarmingly suddenly.

He continued to look around him, with a grim face and scratched his chin.

"What is it?"

"There's been a disturbance in the force...Something terrible has happened."

"Your balls finally dropped?" MJ remarked with a grin.

"Don't joke me around you deceitful fox, this isn't the time."

"Oh yeah. Five minutes ago I was hell-bent on killing you, and _that_ really wasn't the time to start singing and manipulating the fight to annoy me and make it look romantic. How do you like it?" MJ taunted, but Luke didn't seem to pay her much attention.

He paced and looked at the ground as he thought.

"Its someone of my blood...Leia...I can feel Leia...and if she's okay then Han and the others will be fine..." Luke mumbled to himself.

"But there's nobody else here that is-" Luke's voice trailed off as he turned around to face MJ, with terror written into his eyes.

"Father...NO!" Luke cried, and grabbed MJ by the wrist.

"Hey what do you think you're..." MJ was cut off as she was forced to sprint at an unnaturally fast rate back towards the Landspeeder.

"You don't leave my sight from this point forward, do you hear me?" Luke growled at her as they both leapt into the Landspeeder.

"Why?"

"Why? I don't trust you, that's why. And put on something a bit more conservative, will you?" Luke snapped, looking at Mara's distinctive black latex tank top and pants.

_VROOM! _The speeder lurched forward, and Luke gunned it back to Orlando as fast as could, cutting red lights and speeding at every opportunity.

"What is going on?" MJ yelled above the whine of the Landspeeder.

"No time to explain." Luke replied loudly, and started driving even faster.

_10 minutes later_

Luke burst through the gates of the Disney Business complex, and the eerie silence haunted him to the core. His grip on MJ's wrist tightened as his eyes narrowed. He could feel the dark gloom of death around him, despite the quiet peaceful atmosphere. MJ's blunt senses couldn't pick up on it, but she could tell something was very wrong by the look on Luke's face.

They stepped forward quickly, and came across a section of pathway where there were fragments of smashed glass splayed out all over the place. Luke picked up a piece and fiddled with it in his hand. Out of nowhere, a fan girl seemingly appeared and ran back the way they had came, pushing past them, sobbing. Luke took a step around the side of the massive building he had just approached, and saw what looked like a black boot sticking out from around the side of what looked like a dumpster. His heart thumping against his chest, Luke stepped around the corner of the dumpster, and when he saw what lay there, the thumping of his heart ceased completely.

There Darth Vader lay, his helmet dented, his clothes torn and trodden on, and parts of the control panel on his chest seemingly smashed in. Luke dropped to his knees, and a tear slid down his face. He had never even known the man. The _real _man. The last thing they had done was fight, and they had both known deep down that wasn't the way they really thought of each other. Truth was Anakin Skywalker had loved his son and daughter the moment he had been aware of their existence. Destroying them was never part of his plan.

Luke had never even got the opportunity to just talk to him, man to man. He had only known the machine, not the man. And now he never would.

Anakin Skywalker was dead.

"This is the part where you use the cliche of screaming out 'NO' at the top of your lungs." MJ muttered to Luke quietly.

"No…this is being written by JJZ-109 not George Lucas." Luke helplessly crawled over to the broken figure of Vader, and tapped a finger on his helmet. "No...no...no! Come on! You're not dead! I know you aren't!" Luke insisted and started spamming random buttons on the life support panel on his chest.

"NO DAMN IT! You have to get up...You're the primary character of the franchise..._Dad...please." _Luke tugged on Vader's arm feebly. He knew the truth, but just couldn't bring himself to believe it. Tears rolled down his face as he gave in and let himself flop onto his father's chest.

He then let it out. Years of being a strictly emotionless Jedi had kept a lot of things bottled up. A lot of which were being let out at that very moment. MJ could now feel his pain. Her father had also been taken from her at a young age. She put a hand on his shoulder gently and whispered.

"I'm so sorry..."

Luke just knelt there for a few moments, weeping in agony at the death of his last (Leia aside) family member. The only living guiding figure was gone. He then slowly removed the helmet, and revealed his pale, maimed skin. But also his sky blue eyes, which were now dilated. Luke slid them shut with his fingers, and sniffled again. Suddenly a new feeling of dread (as if the one that was already on him wasn't enough) swept over him as he felt the presence of another...a much darker one.

He leapt to his feet and sprung around. Through the dust the figure of the Emperor appeared. Luke growled and stared at him.

"What do you want?"

The Emperor gave no answer; he just walked over to Vader's body, examined it, and snapped his head back around to glare at Luke.

"Luke...What have you done?"

"I didn't do anything. Well, I certainly didn't mean to..." Luke stuttered between sniffles.

"Of course. No one ever _means _for these things to happen. But Lord Vader is dead...And if it weren't for you he would still be alive." The Emperor said sinisterly.

"What? It was probably _you _who killed him!" Luke said, and drew his lightsaber.

_ZZEW!_

"No Luke..._You _killed your father." The Emperor broke it to him, and Luke's heart sank.

"No...That's not true...that's impossible." Luke whimpered in denial.

But he knew it to be true. He had diverted the attention of the fangirls/princesses onto him. They had swamped him, and the crowd had grown larger. There was nothing he could do as he was unintentionally beaten, trampled and suffocated to death by the crowd. It was his entire fault. He didn't have to do it, but he did.

"Murderer..." The Emperor hissed, and Luke shook his head in shock. The lightsaber blade retracted in his hand, and the hilt clattered to the floor.

The Emperor, with a sadistic grin on his face, picked up the elegant hilt and inspected it. _You won't be needing that anymore... _MJ scowled at him.

"What am I meant to do now?" Luke thought aloud.

"Get off this planet. Never come back. You have forever shamed your father. He wouldn't want to see your face again." The Emperor growled, and Luke nodded before standing up.

Then it just dawned on him what he had been doing. He had been kneeling before the Emperor, taking his instructions. _Never! _Patricidal murderer or not, Luke would never give in to the Emperor's darkness. Using the force, he grabbed his lightsaber back and grasped MJ's wrist, with that, he force leapt away as far as he could. Palpatine did not follow.

Slowly, two more dark figures appeared on either side of him. Captain Hook and Hades.

"Finish them. They are the only ones who can stop us. Kill Skywalker and the American girl."

They didn't need to be told twice. Although not adept in the force, Palpatine had quickly taught them the basics of the feared Form V lightsaber combat. Especially suited to Hook, already an experienced swordsman. They sprinted off into the shadows, after their targets.

_Later on..._

_CLA-CHAK! _Mickey watched on as his battalion of Stormtroopers, all 501st veterans, loaded and cocked their blasters. They had been snuck in when Palpatine secretly scrambled the communication shipment code to Coruscant to order some of his troops there. Now they were here to reclaim what was rightfully Mickey's, now that Walt Disney was dead. Here he would reclaim it from Iger and terrible corporate fiends. Free it from the heroes. Who had only served to undermine his control. Disney _would _be the way it used to be. Soon the troops were ready.

The were ready to take the transport ship loading dock, which would allow them to ship all sorts of weapons and supplies in from the Imperial Military at their leisure.

The Stormtroopers snapped into formation, in three 10x10 squares, with blaster carbines bared. Mickey took his position a few meters in front of them, and slipped on his dark hood. His new amber eyes only glowed brighter and more evilly under the shade the hood created. He then started the march towards Disney World.

_**(Temple March Theme)**_

Humming the theme in a strangely annoying childish tone, Mickey intimidatingly paced through the front gates, with his host of soldiers following behind. They paid the security no attention, who felt that they really shouldn't give these guys problems. The Glock pistols practically fell out their hands.

"_Duh-nuh-nuh-nah...nuh nah nuh...Dah nuh..." _Mickey hummed, the corners of his lips moving slightly with each note.

The Disney Castle towered over them as they stormed their way through the gates and through the parking lot, completely unworried by the armed Alliance troops approaching them, keeping them back from the transport ship dock. One man seemed to step out in front of the rest.

"What are you guys doing here? Who are you?" He questioned Mickey, the apparent leader.

Mickey looked up, revealing his face. And his eyes. He then thrust open his cloak, revealing twin lightsabers.

"Holy shi- AH!" The man felt his throat contracting on itself, and Mickey suddenly sprung into action.

_ZZEW, ZZEW! _He ignited both lightsabers, one Sith red and the other sapphire blue. He swung at the closest security troops quickly, decapitating two and slashing the others to death. Then came the host of blaster fire. All easily deflected back into those who fired the shots by the swirling combination of glowing red and blue light. Soon, all the immediate guards were dead, and the Stormtroopers began advancing, taking out anyone at the loading docks. Mickey retracted his blades and let his new minions do the work for him.

_**(Temple March Theme) **_

They soon advanced into the main park, and started shooting civilians...and heroes. There was nothing they could do. Almost each and every one of the Disney heroes had inferior technology and capabilities to the incoming storm of fire, and were gunned down in cold blood. Children, Disney characters and staff alike fled.

_Meanwhile..._

Han had just bought himself a brown satchel, and was casually placing all of his belongings; wallet, Holo communicator, and other trinkets into it. He fixed his blaster at his side and began whistling another famous tune, while Chewie barked at him.

"What now? I don't care what you hear." Han snapped.

Leia, who was flicking through another magazine, slowly looked up. For some odd reason she sensed danger...

"No...he's right...hold on..." She said and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to use whatever force powers she had to determine what was going on.

In the new silence, they started to make out the faint sounds of blaster fire and explosions not too far away...

_BANG!_

The door to the Star Tours merchandise store was suddenly blown down, and sent Leia tumbling backwards. Chewie roared out loud as a Stormtrooper barged his way in, aiming his blaster this way and that, but he was too late. Han always shot first.

_PEW! _A clean headshot. The trooper slumped dead on the floor as Han sent a stream of fire from his quickly drawn pistol out the door on instinct. He could hear panicked cries, from troopers and civilians alike. And maybe heroes. What was going on?

"What the..."

"Disney World is under attack!" Leia cried out from the ground, and Han quickly yanked her to her feet. The full sounds of battle were now audible.

"You don't say?" Han sneered and began ushering out the door. Han straightened his Fedora and looked down Main Street, there was a wall of Stormtroopers advancing towards them, guns blazing. It didn't take them long to notice them staring dumbly.

"Hey! Blast them! They're the original trilogy main characters!" _Uh-oh..._

Han shoved them all back the way they came and they found themselves in a foot chase with the troopers. It didn't take them long to lose and/or kill them. Leia panted to get her breath back as they hid behind a storage shed opposite the car park.

"What is happening?" Han stammered in shock

"I don't know, where did all those Stormtroopers come from?" Leia questioned nobody in particular. She shook off the barrage of thoughts. "Never mind, we'll find out later. We need to get out of here."

They all simultaneously poked their heads out to get a view of the car park. It was infested with white enemy troops, and a few seemed to circle off the Falcon that was still parked across 30 spaces shamelessly. The parking tickets had amassed so thick on the cockpit that the inside wasn't visible any more. Han growled in frustration. There was no way they could get to his famous ship without being killed. It was impossible.

"What the hell do we do now?" He sighed in a defeatist tone.

Leia thought for a moment, and as soon as she removed her hands from in front of her eyes, she saw it. A wicked smile swept across her face.

"Pizza anyone?"

She pointed to a lone vehicle parked a fair distance away from the others: A battered looking yellow 1995 Toyota Hilux with Pizza Planet markings and the little space ship mounted on the roof.

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**What did you think? Have fun playing 'spot the reference'? Any laughs, any tears? Nobody? Alright, I shut up now. And let's pick it up with the reviews, shall we?**

**This has been JJZ-109, and as always...Have a nice day.**


	14. Escape Orlando

**Well that was a good response to last chapter. 109 for JJZ-109. Anyway, this chapter is a landmark one because it marks a year of JJZ-109 on FF! It all started with a silly little idea for a Lion King fanfic and that grew into my flagship series, and an FF obsession. If someone showed me all my work now, in May 2012 I would not have believed it. It is just too unreal, looking at it from that perspective. And this story in particular, is shaping up to be by far my most successful. Anyway, May the 4th be with you! Finished watching the whole saga last night in celebration. Anyway, too many reviews to respond to this time around. I'll try and do it by PM tomorrow.**

**Cheers: JJZ-109**

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**CHAPTER 14. ESCAPE ORLANDO**

Everyone's heads slowly turned to look where Leia was pointing. Chewie quietly growled his uncertainty and Han scoffed. How was that rusty piece of junk supposed to get them out of here? Deep down, Han still hadn't lost belief in the Falcon. But he couldn't help but think that this may be the last time he saw it. He shot another glance at the Pizza delivery truck distastefully. How was he supposed to pilot that thing? It did look like there only hope though, with all the other vehicles locked down in the Imperial perimeter, especially the Falcon.

"Mistress Leia, I do not believe we are qualified to-" 3PO started, but Leia slapped a hand over his mouth.

"Shut up professor, now come on..." Leia urged and started carefully making her way to the car park through the foliage, in a crouched position.

"Perfect. Someone should be ready to get out and push." Han scowled looking at the car.

"I used to say the same thing about the Falcon." Leia whispered back to him.

"Took it for granted, didn't you?"

They quietly reached the Pizza Planet truck, and carefully hid behind the side of the car as they stopped to open the door. Leia tugged on the handle, but it gave out only the dooming click of denial. She sighed in frustration and backed away from the door a little. A large, rusty dent was visible on the side of it. Han pushed past her and cracked his knuckles.

"Let me."

_SMASH! _He struck the window with his right elbow, shattering the glass. That was all it took. They all jumped back in fright as the car alarm instantly sounded, and their hearts sank as they saw all the Stormtroopers' heads snap around to look at the disturbance. Chewie roared in alarm, and they all got the message.

"_Heroes! Blast them!"_

Han shoved his arm into the window he smashed and pulled open the door lock, before diving in as the laser bolts started flying. Chewie leant up against the hood and fired a few covering shots with his crossbow as the others frantically got in. He flinched as a blaster bolt struck the side of the car, sending sparks showering on him. He too then dived in the car and scrambled into the front passenger's seat as Han rummaged through all the glove compartments, searching for a spare key. Eventually, he found that it was hidden under the floor mat. Han scooped up the key swiftly and plunged it into the ignition.

"Come on! We need to get out of here _now!" _Leia shouted from the back seat, above the roar of blaster fire.

The fire then ceased when the troopers realized that nobody was shooting back at them, and they started running over to the car.

"Come on, come on, come on!" Han said frantically as the old engine coughed, refusing to start.

Suddenly _VROOM! _It roared to life and Han managed a smile. He felt around the floor with his feet, getting them onto the pedals. He stamped his foot down hard onto what he thought was the accelerator, but the car remained idle. The engine just revved again loudly, and the car jolted. Han thumped the steering wheel in frustration.

"Han, hurry! They're right here!" Leia urged; the Stormtroopers were all of 30 yards away now, and closing fast.

"Why won't it go?" Han asked. He had no idea how to operate one of these Earth land-crawling vehicles. Everything he had done so far was out of common sense.

Leia thought for a moment, and examined the instruments before Han. An idea then dawned on her, and she hoped it would work. It was the only logical solution. She pointed to the gearstick, which was still in 'P'.

"Use the wand of power!" She instructed him as the Stormtroopers reached the vehicle.

Han slammed the stick into 'Drive' and the car suddenly flew forward, making the Troopers dive to get out of its path. To not surprise the blaster fire started up again, and a stray shot smashed the back windshield open. Han quickly gained control of the speeding Pizza Planet truck, and found himself swerving through the car park with the Imperials in hot pursuit.

"That was too close." Han panted as the reflection of the Stormtroopers in the rear view mirror became smaller and smaller.

"LOOK OUT!" Leia screamed just as Han started to relax and lose focus.

He slammed on the breaks, and car skidded across the asphalt, making the tires shriek. When the car finally stopped, it was at the foot of an AT-ST assault walker.

"Uh oh." They all seemed to say in unison, and the AT-ST slowly turned its main guns around to face them.

Han then shoved the car into reverse, and sped away from the walker with the screech of tires and smoke flying. _PEW, PEW, PEW! _Adrenaline pumped through Han's veins as he skillfully slalomed the car in and out of explosions created by the AT-ST's powerful laser cannons.

"Jesus Christ you're going to get us all killed..."

Han then slammed on the breaks and swerved the car the right way around, the old diesel motor rattling in protest. The Fedora hat flew off his head as he did so, making it roll across the dashboard. He then started accelerating back towards the main Disney Park, and the crude loading docks, where all the characters and supplies has been captured.

"You're not going back there, are you?" Leia snapped from the back seat.

"Well we aren't getting out through the conventional exit." Han commented and recklessly gunned the car through the loading docks.

He narrowly passed through a tight space between two parked speeders, and quickly turned to avoid a group of hostage Rebel guards, who could only watch as the out of control truck rolled past them with countless Imperial troops in pursuit. A crane then swung across the top of them, just skimming the roof of the car. The frantic drive through the unloading docks soon became another deadly slalom, as they left mess and destruction in their wake.

"Can you even drive one of these properly?" Leia managed to get the words out, despite being thrown around in her seat.

"Drive? Yes. Park? No." Han said as his hands danced across the steering wheel, trying to navigate the car through the maze of unloaded supplies, ships, people and Imperial soldiers.

Han noticed as they narrowly avoided hitting a group of oddly dressed and colorful people.

"Who the hell even are these people?" Han asked as they started to steady now that they had some distance on their attackers.

"Well, I think that's the first of the prequel characters. Starting with the Phantom Menace."

_Phantom Menace characters...Hmm...I wonder if..._

The question Han had on his mind had been answered before he'd even manage to say it.

"_Youssa gotta slowsa bombad car down! How wude!" _ A familiar high-pitched voice yelled out to them.

Han slammed on the breaks. No imperial insult or torture could compare to the sound of that voice. The car jolted to a stop, and slowly turned around to face the first few Phantom Menace characters. He eyed down the small group of characters, and locked onto the one that slightly resembled a duck, except with large earflaps behind him.

Their eyes then met, even from a good 40 yards away. The best and worst of Star Wars exchanged gazes. One snarled, and the other gulped. Han then revved his engine in anger, and spun the wheels, behind him, flicking up white smoke. Even the Emperor's whole 501st couldn't mean anything to him now. He then released the brakes, and car sped forward towards the small crowd.

"What the hell are you doing? Get us out of here! We haven't got time for this." Leia nagged at him angrily, but soon saw what he was charging at, and shut up.

The rest of the Phantom Menace characters ran away at the sight of the charging car, and only one was left clumsily standing there. Jar Jar's heart sank as he saw the Pizza Planet truck speeding towards _him. _Han smiled as Jar Jar began running away screaming his usual chaotic, childish, slightly racist and fanatical panic.

Jar Jar sprinted off to the left, flailing his arms behind him, and Han swerved the car so he could follow. A Stormtrooper raised his rifle to shoot at the truck, but his Sergeant gently pushed his blaster down.

"We'll blast 'em later. Right now, let him kill the abomination." The Stormtrooper ordered his peer.

Han managed to get Jar Jar Binks running out in the open, and that was his chance. He planted his foot down on the accelerator and closed the gap between them. Soon, the bumper was touching Jar Jar's back, as he fled in fear. _Enough of the games..._ Han thought and switched on the windshield wipers. Time to cure 13 years of distaste for Episode One.

He ran over Jar Jar, and watched his body get sucked under the front of the car. The vehicle bounced upwards as the front wheel rolled over him, and with as the second wheel went over, they heard the sickening but ever so delightful sound of his spine being cracked. Han drove forward and swung the car around to face Jar Jar's crippled body.

"Is he dead?" Leia asked from the back seat.

"_Why you do dis to meesa?" _

"No." Han answered and planted his foot down on the gas pedal again.

This time, he stopped on top of Jar Jar's mangled body, ignoring his protests and winces. He then proceeded to make sure that the back wheel was on top of Jar Jar's body, before doing a massive burnout upon him, sending blood and incompetent Gungan body parts showering over them.

"WOO-HOO!" Han shouted in joy as the blood rained down on the wind-shield, and he switched the windshield wipers to full.

Han, Leia, Chewie, the droids and even Stormtroopers watching on cheered in joy, exchanging laughs, high-fives and hugs. Eventually, before the motor was worn down, Han continued off the bloody mess and continued fleeing the Imperials. The engine roared as they smashed through a chain link fence topped with barb wire, and rolled down a dirt hill.

Suddenly, Leia felt an odd sense of peace. One she hadn't felt since the 1980s. Before the dark times. Before Jar Jar Binks. With his death, a massive disturbance in the force had been calmed. Across the galaxy it was felt, among force adept and non-adept alike. The franchise was partially cured.

The troopers then snapped out of it and hopped into black Jeeps with Imperial markings, in pursuit of the heroes.

"Han, we've got Imperial cars on our tail." Leia reported, looking out the back window.

"Ah...Should've used his head as a hood ornament." Han thought aloud as he recklessly directed the Pizza Planet truck onto a highway.

As he left, he got a faint view of the Falcon still in the parking lot, and sighed loudly. He may never see his ship of many years again at this rate. He then looked in the mirror, and saw that the jeeps were gaining rapidly. He weaved in and out of traffic, to the annoyed beeps and wails of several civilian cars.

"Yeah, yeah...shut up...WHOA! Moron in the Volvo!"

_PEW, PEW! _Blaster bolts truck the fender of the car, making it swerve a little, but Han managed to regain control. The old Hilux was simply too slow though. It wouldn't make it. The Jeeps were much newer and faster.

"Leia, give 'em a taste of their own medicine!"

"Got it." Leia replied and poked her blaster pistol out the window, before replying with a few hopeless shots back at the Jeeps.

It was no use though. They were gaining too rapidly, and there were far too many to handle with pistols. Leia grunted in frustration as she shot.

"I can't hold them! They're too fast...Theirs too many!" She cried out frantically.

Han nodded. He couldn't lose them on the highway, that was for sure. There was only one thing left to do...if it would even work.

"Chewie, where's the lightspeed on this thing?" Leia's jaw dropped at the question. Had the man lost his mind?

"What? Are you insane? Going to lightspeed in the atmosphere of..." Han wasn't listening. All that was on his mind was shaking his pursuers.

Chewie barked and pointed to a silver switch on the dashboard. It read: _Nitrous Oxide: ARM. _Han saw it too. _Whatever that is, it'll do._

He flicked the switch, and it beeped, illuminating a red button on the center console that read _GO, BABY, GO! _He quickly maneuvered into relatively empty lane and gulped, before crying out:

"CHEWIE, PUNCH IT!"

The car suddenly sprung forward, and everyone's bodies were pressed flat against the seat with the G-force. The speedometer's needle spun around the gauge aimlessly as the speed went off the its reading capability. Han gripped the wheel with all of his strength as they flew forward. _What the hell is NO2 doing on a delivery truck? _He thought as the images of the world outside him were in a colorful blur. In the mirror, he saw the reflection of the Imperial cars fade away as they gunned down the highway. The car eventually started to slow down, giving everyone an opportunity to get their breath back.

They had made it.

"My head..." C-3PO moaned and straightened his metal body up on the back seat. A slice of pepperoni pizza was stuck to his face.

"What...was that? I can't believe we made it," Leia panted and smiled at Han, leaning forward.

"Sweetheart, we got five of the main characters in the car, I'm pretty sure we were always going to be alright."

Han allowed a moments silence as he casually drove through the expanse of Florida, further and further away from Orlando. They had all just been through a lot. What the hell was that Imperial attack about? Where did all those troopers and AT-STs come from? More importantly, where the hell was Luke and was he alright? Even more importantly, what would they do now they didn't have a ship? A rusty old Toyota pickup certainly couldn't do.

"Now what? Where do we go now? We can't go back to the park."

"To Iger perhaps? Maybe he can set things straight?" 3PO suggested, but R2 chirped his disapproval.

"Or maybe to Lucasfilm, to Skywalker Ranch! We'd be safe there." 3PO continued.

"Hey, I always wondered, why do they call it Skywalker Ranch? Why Luke and not the rest of us?" Leia managed to find something to complain about.

"I got an Asian Food chain named after me. Han's cafe? Ever heard of that?" Han pointed out, but 3PO shook his head.

"I do not think that was named after you Captain Solo." C-3PO argued from the back.

"Anyway, your highness, I wouldn't complain. Half of the fanboys have named their right hand after you." Han joked and Leia scowled. That stupid scene. Thank the force Han was blind during it, otherwise she would never have heard the end of it.

Han noticed how the fuel gauge was getting low, and turned onto a highway exit. He cleared his throat to get everyone's attention and spoke out.

"Here's what we're going to do. First of all, we're going to find Luke. According to Leia's voodoo powers he's still all good. Then we regroup and figure out what the hell is going on, okay?"

Chewie roared in agreement, and R2 whistled.

"Sounds like a plan for now." Leia confirmed.

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**How was that? Sorry to any offended JJ Binks fans. But the majority of the fans hate him. Including me. I had to do that at some point. Hope you enjoyed!**

**This has been JJZ-109, and as always...Have a nice day.**


	15. On the Defensive

**Well sorry about that long update time. Hopefully I compensated for the wait, by trying to make this chapter more interesting than it should have been. I have just had so much shit to deal with these days. Anyway, glad to see that the violent death of Jar-Jar brought tears of joy rather than despair. I'm still thrilled at how much of a surprise hit this has become. I was warned before I wrote that it would be the worst thing I ever tried (Not pointing fingers). Anyway, due to the blood-rush of reviews, give me the questions you have in a PM. I'll just reply to Anonymous reviews now.**

**Robot Jones: OH NO! This should not be Episode 7. I would actually kill myself while crying and listening to Celine Dion songs.**

**Lord Destroyer: I don't want to become a villain if by some chance there are some people who like him. That scene was from the first half of Return of the Jedi, and that joke was a dirty one. But true nonetheless, for most fanboys. Ask anyone who grew up in the 80s. (Not me)**

**Guest: Well he just died...**

**Hi: You're welcome :)**

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**CHAPTER 15. ON THE DEFENSIVE**

_Back at the Disney Corporate Complex_

Only half a second ago MJ had been completely relaxed. Sorrowful, guilty and perhaps fearful...but still relaxed. The Emperor had revealed a disturbing truth to her and Luke, and her heart and stomach sank. But then out of nowhere, they were suddenly forced back into position. By the G-force of the leap. One moment she was lamenting with Luke on the ground, and before she even had time to scream, she was soaring in the air with him, being held by her wrist. It was a wonder how her shoulder wasn't dislocated.

She squinted as the air blasted into her face and her auburn hair flew about wildly behind her. All she could see was Luke's blond hair waving in her face and frenetic flashes of blue and white from the sky. Then they came crashing down. She felt her stomach drop as they stopped soaring upwards, and start to plummet. MJ tensed herself and flinched for the incoming fatal impact.

But it never came. She felt a thump, and the rush of air stopped. When she opened her eyes, she was in Luke's arms, on the roof of a tall building. Tear marks were still fresh on Luke's face, and he panted in a mixture of confusion and fatigue. MJ quickly squirmed free of his grip and stood before him.

"Okay, dead father or not...NO...more of those spiderman bullshit force stunts..." MJ started complaining.

"Ssh..." Luke held a up a finger to his mouth, and scanned the horizon.

Two figures were leaping across the buildings after them. When they came a little closer, Luke saw that one had a blue flaming head and the other a bright red suit and hat. They closed in, and simultaneously reached for their belts.

Luke gaped as he saw what they produced. Hook, the first pursuer, produced the handle to his usual sword, except this time it was different. Instead of a blade, there was a gaping hole in its place on the hand-guard. _ZZEW! _A crimson blade ignited upon it. The weapon had been converted to Lightsaber. Hades then activated a similar weapon and held it before them as they got closer.

"Oh no..." Luke murmured and grabbed MJ by the wrist again. She looked at her hand, and then back at him.

"Don't you da-" Too late.

Luke force leapt off the building and took MJ along with him. They landed in a dark alley separating the buildings, and MJ dizzily got to her feet, glaring at him as she fixed up her hair and dusted herself off.

"I'm surprised you didn't scream." Luke remarked and MJ scowled at him.

"You didn't exactly give me a chance."

_Thud, thud. _They quickly snapped their heads around as Hook and Hades gracefully touched down in the alleyway, but luckily they first started looking the other way, giving them time to flee. Luke grabbed MJ's hand again and started running the opposite way.

"Why don't you just kick their asses?" MJ panted as she ran alongside him, looking back over her shoulder. The two villains had noticed them now, and had started making after them.

"A Jedi's power is for knowledge and for defense. Never for attack." Luke told her as they ran around the corner of the building, out of the villains' view.

"Great time to be pacifist..." MJ commented to herself sarcastically.

They soon came across a few possible hiding places. There was a few sheds, a garage and a warehouse all lined up behind the building. Luke quickly checked behind them and saw the villains' shadows growing larger and larger out of the alleyway. He nudged MJ and gestured to the garage. Using the force, he slid open the garage roller door as they ran towards it. As soon as they were past it, he let it slam shut behind them. He could hear Hook and Hades' footsteps as they rushed into the small courtyard.

They were overwhelmed by the sudden blackness of the garage, and the only sounds to be heard were Hook and Hades' faint frustrated cries, along with their own desperate pants.

_Click! _Suddenly a light broke out. MJ held a cigarette lighter in her hand, and glared at Luke.

"What the hell is going on?" She hissed at him.

"I don't know. Palpatine must have sent them...I don't know what he's up to, but-" Luke started whispering.

"No! I mean why aren't you attacking them! You can probably kill them easy..."

"No Maria. I've taken enough life for one day." Luke murmured and sniffled again. MJ rolled her eyes.

"First of all, I like 'Mara' better and secondly...Even if you did kill your father, is this what he would have wanted? To see you turn into a sad little pacifist? No. From what I've been told he was a highly aggressive fighter. He'd cut your other hand off if he saw you like this..."

"Watch your words woman..." Luke snarled at her.

Meanwhile, Hades and Hook were still searching the entire area outside, leaving no stone unturned. They could hear them making a racket as they searched.

"_You can't hide forever cowards!" _Hook called out, and MJ nodded inside.

"You know what? The red moron is right. You _are _a coward. You've never fought a person stronger than you and you run from your mistakes like a little...ugh..." MJ started to feel her throat contract.

Luke had his hand outstretched and a vicious snarl was etched onto his face, illuminated by the dim light of the flame. The fury of Anakin Skywalker had been unleashed.

"Never call me a coward MJ, _never._" Luke said and released his grip on her. She dropped to her knees and coughed to get her breath back. Luke meanwhile got a grip on his anger and snapped out of it.

He put a hand on his head and wondered what had come over him, MJ meanwhile listened as Hook and Hades' footsteps grew fainter and fainter as they searched the warehouse opposite them. It wouldn't be long before they searched the garage.

"So now what? How do we get out of here?" MJ asked, and gingerly got to her feet, rubbing her throat.

Luke picked up the fallen lighter and stepped deeper into the garage. The dim light revealed the large silhouette of a vehicle, which was also covered by a large gray cloth. MJ stepped over and yanked it off. The revealed car gleamed under the light of the small flame. It was bright red, with a spoiler and long lightning bolt painted down the side, as well as a huge number _95. _It was obviously a custom racer. They both whistled their approval in unison. Suddenly the voices broke out again:

"_The Garage! Its the only other place!" _They would be found any second now. Luke quickly spun around to MJ.

"Can you drive something like this?"

"Yeah..."

"Good, hot-wire it. Quick!"

"And what about you?" MJ asked as she opened the door to the dormant racecar.

"I'll hold them off."

_We'll see who's a coward now..._Luke thought and pulled out his lightsaber. He then drew MJ's rather familiar looking saber that he had confiscated from her before, and wondered. _Hmm..._Then an idea hit him. On the mechanic's bench in front of him was a roll of black duct tape. He looked at the hilts, and then back at the duct tape again and smiled.

_Meanwhile..._

Hook and Hades quickly paced towards the garage door and drew their 'lightsaber' hilts. It was time to end this. No Skywalker, nothing more to stand in their way. He was the only one who could stop them. But then there was that American girl...but she was reckless and probably hopeless without Luke. All they had to do was kill him, and then it was all clear for the rest of their operation. This was it. They could only be in there.

"Come out Skywalker! Let's make this quick, shall we?" Hook called out, but suddenly felt a feeling of unease.

The garage door suddenly started to slowly ascend up, and they instantly ignited their bright red blades. _ZZEW, ZZEW! _

As the door opened, it revealed a figure in a dark tunic. It was Luke. He was just standing there, with his arms folded, and a solemn frown. Hook then smiled wickedly.

"Ah...Skywalker...any final words?" Hook said and raised his lightsaber into an aggressive position.

"I was about to ask you the same thing." Luke replied, making Hook and Hades exchange glances. He then drew a lightsaber hilt, no..._Two _lightsaber hilts that were crudely duct-taped together at the pommels.

_ZZEW! _Luke ignited his first, traditional green blade and assumed an aggressive stance. _ZZEW! _The other blade was then activated. He then proceeded to hold the weapon out in front of him like a saber-staff, one side glowing green and the other blue.

_Uh-oh. _Hook and Hades both thought at the same time. Palpatine had never mentioned a Jedi with a double blade! Well, a makeshift double blade. A saber staff on a budget.

Luke then leapt through the air, somersaulting and landing right in between them. Instinctively, Hades swung a blow aimed to decapitate Luke as soon as he landed, but he had anticipated that. As soon as Luke's feet touched the ground, he dropped to his knees and leant back, and felt the heat of Hades' red blade as it whizzed across his face. The blow continued on, and Hook narrowly avoided being decapitated himself, but Hades' lightsaber still skimmed the right hand side of his pointy mustache as he turned his head away, and completely burnt the side off.

"FOOL!" Hook cried at his ally. Luke smirked, and blocked a head high blow from an enraged Hook, while the other side of his weapon blocked another strike from Hades aimed at his legs.

For the next few moments, it was a recurring pattern. Luke watched his opponents become more and more frustrated as they continuously swung reckless humming blows at him, one after the other, and he could predict them far too easily, blocking them with no effort whatsoever. And when they decided to strike at the same time when they figured that wasn't working, Luke could dodge skillfully and send them sprawling, almost making them hit one another again, which discouraged them from that tactic. Despite his clear ease of defense, Luke still couldn't find a breakthrough facing two opponents. It was too quick to make aggressive decisions like that.

Meanwhile, MJ fiddled with the wiring inside the car. Truth was, she didn't know how to hot wire at all. She was just doing what she saw in the movies; touch two random, differently colored wires together, and when they spark, the car should start. But alas, that would not occur. There were dozens of different wires before her. Which were the right ones?

"Come on, come on..." She grumbled to herself as she fiddled.

She then angrily threw the wires back and sighed loudly. _No...let go..._A calm voice inside her head seemed to tell her. Suddenly, all the frustration, fear and desperation were filtered out of her mind and heart. She then reached out...and used that strange energy that had earned her a place in the CIA, and the one she seemed to share with Luke. She let it flow through her, and felt her hand slowly reach out, and gently glide across the wires...

_**(Force Theme)**_

MJ felt her hand slowly slide up the steering column, away from the other wires. _What? That can't be right..._But MJ didn't question it any further. She let the force be her guide, and she knew it would guide her to the right wire. She then felt her hand rise up onto the dashboard, and close on something cold and metal, with a distinct sharpness to it. This is what the force guided her to.

When she opened her eyes, she felt sudden shock sweep over her, as well as a sudden feeling of utter stupidity.

"Oh." She thought aloud, and went a little red.

It was the keys to the damn car; and they were just sitting there the whole time she was screwing around with the wires.

_So much for that mystical bullshit..._She thought angrily and started plugging the different keys into the ignition, trying to find the right one. Now that she was up on the car seat, she could see out the windshield and what was happening outside.

Luke was still on the defensive, absorbing blows without being able to deal any of his own. He could feel himself backpedalling towards the garage.

Suddenly..._VRROOOM! _The V12 motor of the car behind him roared to life, and the headlights suddenly activated, shining out of the darkness of the garage. _I knew you could do it, Maria._

Inspired by the sudden new confidence, Luke force leapt over his two Disney opponents and landed a few meters back, further away from the garage. _Okay now...no more Mr. Nice Guy..._ Luke thought and quickly spun the saber-staff around in front of him, creating an intimidating blur of green and white like glowing propellers on a plane. He could practically hear Hades and Hook gulp. Then he switched to his good old aggressive style of Form V.

He sent a brutal series of strikes backwards and forwards to his two adversaries, and they were forced into the same position he was a few moments ago. They were nothing against his experience. Luke quickly ducked a strike from Hades, and then stood up to deliver a glancing roundhouse kick to Hook's jaw, sending him tumbling backwards. It was just him and Hades now. He slowly swiped a hand across his face with a grin, and watched Hades' expression change as he felt his blue flaming hair be blown out by the force. He let out a little girl-like shriek and patted his head, lowering his guard.

Luke pounced on the opportunity. He rammed the blue end of the double-lightsaber through Hades' dark heart, ending him. Black smoke rose from the wound as Luke retracted the blade. _Never did like Greek. _Luke thought and turned his attention back to Hook, who was back on his feet now.

He had a bloody nose, and half of his mustache was burnt off. But he still smiled sinisterly. He revealed his second hand, the one that was meant to be a hook. But instead, there was a black metallic hand. _Great. _Luke thought. The Emperor must have hooked him up with one of his hand guys back on Coruscant.

Hook then picked up Hades' fallen saber and held it in his opposite hand. He had two now as well. Luke bit his lip.

Suddenly, an ear-splitting screech sound broke out. The red racer had rolled out of the garage, and did a massive burnout, swiveling the car around so that the open driver's window could face the duel. Luke saw MJ's face; her eyes locked on Hook. She then stuck an arm out the window, with a blaster in hand. Wait, that wasn't a blaster. It was one of those _things._

Hook turned around to face the car skidding car and held his sabers up in a defensive position.

_BANG! _MJ fired off a round from her pistol, and it smashed into the crossed blades of Hook, sending sparks flying everywhere; making the evil Captain flinch. He was also knocked backwards a little by the intense impact.

_BANG! _Another bullet hit one of his lightsabers. He didn't have time to block it. Even a proper force user couldn't stop that. It knocked his blade and himself backwards yet again as the bullet disintegrated onto the blade.

MJ adjusted her aim so that the iron-sights of the revolver lined up directly on his forehead. _I would have chosen the crocodile myself. _She thought before pulling the trigger.

_BANG!_ Hook's head lurched back and blood sprayed everywhere. _What a barbaric weapon..._Luke thought and shook his head. No time for that though. He quickly ran over and jumped inside the car next to MJ.

"Where to?" She asked quickly, above the steady growl of the car's engine.

"Anywhere but here."

She asked no further questions as she stamped her foot down on the gas pedal, making the car blast forward, making an unusually loud racket as it did so. Luke flinched a little. The Emperor wouldn't even have to sense his presence, he could probably hear them from miles away. And then there was the look of the car.

"Couldn't we have chosen something a little more conservative?" Luke asked.

"We didn't have much of a choice." MJ reminded him. Luke nodded.

"But this thing is fast for an Earth vehicle?"

"Oh yeah. This is a racer. Meant for NASCAR. This baby is faster than fast, quicker than quick. It is _Lightning._" MJ smiled as she ranted.

"And probably not even road legal." Luke muttered.

"Skywalker, half the crap we've done between the two of us is 'legal', so don't worry about that."

_Speak for yourself. _Luke thought to himself, and looked over his new double bladed lightsaber. Well, makeshift 'double bladed' saber. Duct tape worked miracles. How come nobody had thought of that before?

* * *

**And there you have it. Fun enough? Catch some references? Hope you enjoyed. If I get the usual amount of reviews, I'll only reply in PMs and only do the chapter reply for people who don't sign in. Actually: Better idea. I'll start a forum for this, and you can post all your questions and what not on there. Save a few emails.**

**I'll put the link on my profile.**

**This has been JJZ-109, and as always...Have a nice day.**


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